Only Slightly Lost

Would you do it all over again?

No. I would not do it all over again. I would not be me if I did. It shaped me. It gave me a stronger wall to block all the pain I was, and ever will be caused. It gave me a place to plant my anger and let it blossom into the poisonous weed that was stuck under my skin for so long. It made me feel too  much, but I'm glad it did. It gave me standards rather than expectations because like smoke and mirrors it was nothing like I thought it would be. It let me learn how to be let down, now I know what not to excuse. It gave me a tolerance for read receipts and an intolerance for disrespect. I have finally managed to have enough respect for myself to know the difference. It gave me back the trust issues it stole from me. Ironic it let me believe it could ever be the victim. It gave me a greater appreciation for love songs and how no song lyrics will ever amount to the symphony of its laughter, a sound that now only reminds me of a phone line gone dead. It taught me to guide my heart with iron fists because open arms are just too easy to break through. It taught me to love myself more than I should ever love anyone else because no one will ever appreciate the my reflection like I do. So no, I would not do it all over again. It may have put knives in my back and lies in my head, but it also let me love. I learned to love so deeply that the ocean was jealous of the depths my heart could reach. If I did it all over again I might fall in love with it again, and I would rather save the endless abyss of love for myself.