Only Slightly Lost

Pawn

The love between two people or lack there of has begun to be a collection of read receipts and naked photos. Her body has become your right hand at two in the morning when your penis thinks more than your brain ever could. Her mind is a puzzle that you've never been able to solve so you throw away a few pieces just so she feels incomplete, and so you feel validated. Little did you know that Picasso himself couldn't have created a more abstract collection of pain and beauty in his whole lifetime, and she creates one every time she takes a breath, blinks her eyes, or sheds a tear over the one who abandoned her.

Her feelings have become a toy that you purposefully destroy like a lego piece you continue to build up into a castle for her to live in. Because you know she is a princess who deserves to be bowed down to. You let her live in a fantasy land of "I love you too's" until you decide love is a feeling you don't quite understand and instead of learning for her sake you start to tear down her lego house, taking her love down with it. And yet even after every destructive episode you've had she is there with open arms to console you. As if you were the one whose entire being was destroyed by the one who built it for you. 

Her being has become the chess piece that you play when you have no other moves to make. It seems you've gotten so good at the game you've forgotten what it feels like to lose. Let me remind you that winning the game earns you nothing but a lifetime supply of lonely nights. One day she will understand that losing your game was not a loss at all. She will understand how good it feels to sleep through the night without the three am phone calls. It was never because you wanted to hear her voice, it was because you were too high to know the difference in your contact list. She is not a pawn you use to get to the next player. She is a queen who holds the fate of your world in her hands. You should have known better than to ignore your best player.