Calling Him By My Name [Armie Hammer + Timothée Chalamet | Charmie | mxb]

14 | Timothée

Despite everyone telling me to watch the film before Sundance, I wanted to wait. But I couldn't really watch it during the first premiere - not with so many people in the audience. It was too weird. The second time around, at the Berlin International Film Festival, is easier. Watching us on screen, I've gained a newfound appreciation for scenes like the one towards the end of the movie, when Elio is sleeping in bed and Oliver contemplates their summer together. The requisite was easy for me - but not so for Armie. After the first take, I remember Luca coming over and directing Armie to encompass the whole relationship in one look. We only did one more take after that. What Armie came up with blows me away. It's like six thousand emotions packed into one incredibly deep, weighty expression that's loaded with unspoken meaning. I wonder what the hell he was thinking about.

After Berlin, there's a a brief lull during which Luca and Armie go back to their superstar lives, and I'm left riding the subway and getting yelled at by crazy people. The only thing that makes it bearable is knowing that I'll soon be travelling the world with Armie, promoting the movie. When that isn't enough, I call him up just to tell him that I can't sleep. Then I close my eyes and roll onto my stomach and smile at the shower of affection that spews through the phone every time: a mélange of pet names and sweet nothings that I never tire of hearing. He's such a concerned and doting dad. Especially now that Ford has been born. Must be all the paternal hormones or whatever that got triggered in him, because he'll lavish me with sweet talk for hours if I let him. I often fall asleep to it.

He sends me pictures and updates of Ford, and sometimes I get to see Armie holding him when we FaceTime. I fucking love this baby. He's a mini version of Armie, my Armie, and that's what seals the deal for me.

This is a really difficult period for Liz. She's now got two young children -including a newborn - as well as a career and social life to juggle. Her husband, the handsome bastard, does what he can but he's busy too, and he's about to take a trip around the world during the first year of his son's life. With me.

Whether it's the guilt or my cooking talent or Elizabeth's desperation, I don't know - but somehow we arrange for me to work for the Hammers as a babysitter for extra income. They're two famous celebrities with busy lives, and they compensate me well, so the setup is convenient for all parties. I already helped out around the house during Elizabeth's pregnancy, they know and trust me, I get along well with Hops, and I need the money. Simple. It's a done deal.

So, after wrapping up Lady Bird, I practically move in with them - and I bring Bunny with me. It's convenient because I start work on Beautiful Boy in March, which is being filmed primarily in LA, anyway. Overall, I spend more time in the Hammers' home than my apartment in New York. Their guest bedroom becomes my room whenever I'm staying over, which is more often than not. I play with the kids, take them out for walks and movies and playdates, feed them and bathe them and dress them and read to them at night, whenever Elizabeth and Armie can't. It's better than a stranger they don't know babysitting them; this way they can grow up with a caretaker they know and love like their mommy and daddy. And that's the primary reason I'm doing this, not the money. Although I am grossly overpaid; Armie makes sure of that.

He's working on recording the audiobook, and tells me constantly how weird it feels to be telling the story from Elio's perspective, after so much time spent in Oliver's head. We talk about it during the midnight walks we sometimes have time for, just like back in Italy. Liz doesn't mind; she understands that we guys need the occasional break.

On one such walk, Armie wraps his arms around me and hugs me tight against the brick wall of a small alley between two stores, just out of view of the bustling streets, and tells me: "you're my sunshine."