Calling Him By My Name [Armie Hammer + Timothée Chalamet | Charmie | mxb]

22 | Timothée

"So then I told her she was a bitch. I mean, by that point it was obvious to everyone in the room." Liz sniffles, somehow managing to look like a million bucks even in a bathrobe and no makeup.

"Oh, wow," I murmur solemnly, keeping one eye on a teary Liz and the other on Ford's steady progression towards a houseplant. As usual, he's completely naked save for his diapers.

"I know, right? Like, when it was her marriage on the rocks, I was supportive-"

"Ford," I exclaim just as the baby's about to dig his hands into the pot of soil. "Sorry, Liz - Ford, come here, love."

Ford pauses his exploration to look at me, his cherubic face breaking into a dimpled grin. I walk over and scoop him up into my arms, and he promptly sticks his middle and index fingers into his mouth. When I gently remove the digits, he begins a line of gibberish that has me smiling and smooching his forehead lovingly.

I realize when I sit back down on the couch with the baby in my lap that Liz has continued her tale of woe.

"...told me to just talk to him. But, like, I've tried. I've told him a hundred times that there was no need to try and kill the guy. What he did was stupid and inexcusable and could've landed him behind bars - forget the blow our reputations and careers would've taken."

"I'm so sorry," I mutter contritely. At this inopportune moment, Ford shrieks at the top of his lungs and lunges at my face, mouth latching onto my cheek and sucking hard like he's trying to chew it off. He drools and sucks on my flesh, bouncing excitedly in my arms.

"Don't be. It's not your fault; it's his. Timothée, you've done so much for me. You're a huge help; I can't thank you enough for enabling me to focus on my businesses..."

I do my best to focus on her while Ford's arms flail, grasping sporadically at my nose, shirt collar, stray curls. I can literally hear the rhythmic, squishy sound of him sucking on my cheekbone. When he gets bored of that, he giggles and bounces around my face with glee. Liz pauses to coo at the bouncing baby in my lap. "Hey, where're his clothes?"

"Oh, he hates wearing clothes."

"I can go upstairs and fetch something for him..."

"Oh, no, that's alright. It would turn into a fight, and he probably wouldn't keep them on for long anyway. I'll bathe him and put him to sleep first."

Liz stands up to stretch, and I bounce the baby on my lap. He's panting softly with excitement, eyes gleaming bright.

"Well, I'll probably head upstairs anyway. Armie's home, right?"

"Yup."

"Great, I'll go check in on him. Thanks again for everything, Timothée, I really appreciate being able to just vent to someone after a long, hard day of bullshit."

She sniffles again and examines her reflection in a floor-length hall mirror. "Ugh, I look like shit," she admits, resigned.

"What," I laugh incredulously. "You look amazing - always."

"Timothée, listen carefully, darling. No woman ever looks good in natural lighting. None. Ever. But thank you."