Musically in Love

Chapter 8

McKinley's POV

"You did what?"

I tucked my knees into my chest, sitting in the furthest corner of the couch from a very angry Ben who was standing there with his arms crossed over his chest. "I panicked?"

"Why did you panic? When have you ever panicked before?"

I threw my feet down to the floor in exasperation. "Because he quit band, Ben! Do you know how much of a slap in the face that was to hear? And then he goes and asks for a second date! I didn't know what to do, so I panicked."

"That's not panicking. That's not even trying."

I shook my head. He didn't know what happened. He wasn't there. "Why do you care so much, Ben? You got me a date. Your end of the deal is done. Now it's back on me to actually find a boyfriend. I'm sure I can do better than Tyler."

Ben looked at me for a few seconds before letting out a soft sigh and sitting down on the couch next to me. "You're my best friend, McKinley, and I'm going to say some things that I need you to take seriously. I know you. Which is why I know that Tyler is probably your best bet right now."

"But-"

"Shut up for a second and listen." I closed my mouth. "Thank you. McKinley, I have watched you sabotage every one of your relationships for the last three years. You always have to find one thing about him that makes him unable to make you happy and you bring him down for that one thing. Tyler may not play an instrument - very few people in the scheme of life do, especially guys who like other guys around here. You need to stop fixating on one tiny aspect of his life and look at the rest of him. Give Tyler a second chance if he's willing to forgive you, which I think he might be, if you apologize."

"I don't do that," I said quietly. "You're wrong."

Before Ben could continue lecturing me, I got up and walked into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. Ben didn't know what he was talking about. He was worse at relationships than I was. How could he sit there and call me out when he doesn't know what I felt towards those guys?

So maybe I had been the one to end things with my all my previous boyfriends, but I had solid reasons. My first boyfriend, Greg, switched schools during our junior year of high school and I wasn't comfortable with the long distance thing. Tony happened during my freshman and into my sophomore year of college, but he was cheating on me, so I ended it. Then, during later in sophomore year, I was dating Eric, but he was constantly complaining about everything. I finally couldn't take all his wining anymore and broke up with him.

None of my relationships ever lasted more than a year. The only one that came close was Tony, and even then I don't know how that happened. I sighed. This wasn't fair. I hadn't thought about any of them in so long. Why did Ben have to bring them up? Why did he have to blame me for ruining each of those relationships?

Flopping down on my bed, I pulled out my phone. If there was one person who would tell me the truth, it would be my cousin. I quickly dialed her number and brought my phone to my ear as I waited for her to answer.

"What do you want from me, Mick?"

"Hello, Steph. I'm doing great, Steph. Thanks for asking."

"Shut up. What's going on?"

I let out another sigh before spilling it. "Ben thinks I've sabotaged every relationship I've ever been in."

Steph laughed. Loudly. "Finally someone's called you out on it. I've been trying to do that for years."

I sat straight up. "What?" She was supposed to make me feel better about myself, not take Ben's side!

"Yeah. Come on. You ruin every happy relationship you've had because you're scared to commit to someone. Let's start way back when with Greg, shall we?"

"He moved."

"Thirty minutes away. It literally takes more time to get to the mall from your house than to get to him. It really wouldn't have been that difficult to stay together. You made it seem like he moved to the other side of the world with your theatrics."

Okay, maybe that was true. But I was young and stupid. I didn't know what I was doing back then.

"Tony was next, wasn't he?"

I leaned back against the wall. This was a waste of time. "He was cheating on me, Steph. Not my fault."

"Did you ever have solid proof of that?"

"Yes!"

"McKinley, think for a second before answering that."

I thought. I hadn't suspected him of cheating before the last couple weeks we were together. He was always hiding his phone and he even changed his password to something I wouldn't know just so I couldn't go through his phone - not that I would, I swear. And he was always telling me that he was busy when I knew he had nothing going on. What else was I supposed to think?

"Exactly," Steph said before I could give her a real answer. "He was avoiding you and hiding things because he was busy planning an amazing one year anniversary party for you. I know that because I was one of the people he was always texting. You crushed him when you broke up with him and refused to talk to him again. He loved you."

Shit. I can't believe I did that to him. I was actually falling in love with him too, which made my anger at him even worse. I honestly thought he found someone else. I didn't know how he felt about me.

"Who was next, Eric?"

"Okay, we can stop this." I sighed again. "I get it. I ruin my relationships. If I ditched my date tonight in the middle of dinner just because he quit band when he was a kid, that follows this same pattern, doesn't it?"

Steph let out a long groan. "Please tell me you didn't do that. God, McKinley, you're getting worse! I can't believe you did that!"

"And he was so hot too..." My stomach growled and I placed my hand over it to quiet it. "I didn't even eat my dinner."

"You, McKinley, are impossible." I could imagine Steph rolling her eyes at me as she said that. She tended to do that a lot. "You're never going to change, are you?"

"I don't need to change!"

"Sure." Then, without saying anything else, she hung up on me.

I laid back on my bed, tossing my phone somewhere near the end of my bed. What if she was right? Was I ever going to be happy with someone if I don't let myself try?