Musically in Love

Chapter 9

McKinley's POV

"McKinley?" Ben called from the other side of my door, knocking lightly. "I'm coming in."

I sighed and rolled over to watch him enter my room. "What? Come to lecture me some more? I get it - I'm a terrible boyfriend."

"Actually... Tyler is here."

I sat up, almost sending my laptop flying off my bed. "What? Why? Do I have to talk to him?"

"He's here and you're going to apologize for your behavior. Grow up for once. Do the right thing."

I sighed. "Fine, mom. But you really didn't have to make him come here."

"I didn't do anything."

Without questioning him further, I decided to be the good person that I should be and go talk to Tyler. I really did mess up with him, and if he came back here, then maybe I had a chance of making things right with him. I've never been given a second chance before.

He was standing over by the couch, staring at the weird landscape picture my landlord insisted on us keeping up.

"Hey," I said awkwardly.

He turned toward me, holding up my wallet. Huh. I didn't realize I left that. Good thing he brought it back then. "You left this at the restaurant."

"Thanks." I took it from him and tossed it onto the couch. "Look, Tyler, I'm..." I hesitated. I don't do this very often. "I'm sorry, for running out on dinner. I panicked. It was the wrong thing to do, I know. I haven't really dated in a while. If you don't forgive me and never want to see me again, I understand."

He sighed. "No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have brought up a second date until we were finished with the first one. I really do like you and I hope I didn't scare you away."

Wow. Not what I was expecting to hear. "Honestly, it didn't really have anything to do with you saying that. I have recently been told that I have always ruined my own happiness, especially when it comes to dating. I think that I can be happy with you, and I guess I got scared because you weren't the ideal guy I had wanted you to be. I need to accept the fact that whatever crazy ideas I have are actually crazy. No one will ever exist that matches that ideal, so I need to try to see past that. I didn't give you a chance earlier, but I'm willing to start over with you if you can forgive me for ditching you in the middle of dinner tonight."

"McKinley," he sighed. "I don't want to be someone's second best. I don't want to be someone you settle for. I've been hurt before and I don't feel comfortable getting into a situation that will probably hurt me again. I thought I had been too forward with you and that's why I needed to apologize. But if you're just going to give me a second chance because you're settling for me, I'm not okay with that."

"I understand," I said quietly, nodding, "but I'm not settling."

"I'm sorry, can you speak up a bit? I didn't catch that."

I watched as he played with his ear for a second before it clicked with me. "Do you have a hearing aid in?" I didn't even need him to answer. I could clearly see it.

"I should go."

I stared after him as he pulled open the door and walked out. I blew it. I knew I shouldn't have tried to apologize. It was never going to work out in my favor. It never has before, so why did I even bother today?

As soon as Tyler closed the door, Ben spoke from behind me. "Well?"

I spun around to face him. "Well what? He's gone! That was completely pointless. I can't believe you made me apologize for nothing."

"You needed to apologize so that you take responsibility for your actions. God, do I have to explain everything to you? You're an adult, for fucks sake!"

"I may be twenty-one years old but I am far from being an adult. And I apologized to Tyler and asked for a redo. He's the one that walked out, saying he doesn't want to date me if I'm 'settling' for him. What the hell does that even mean? Also, he's deaf? Like what the fuck? Why didn't I know this?"

Ben put his hands up, surrendering. "I give up. You're helpless." Then he turned and walked into his own bedroom.

What did I do wrong? I was just being honest. But seriously, settling? I'm not settling! Okay, so maybe I dropped my standards a bit. Ben was right - I probably wasn't going to find a guy who was just as passionate about music as I was. Did I expect to find a deaf guy? Hell no. But I didn't know that about him and I still offered a second chance. He's the one that turned me down. Maybe it was better that way. I didn't need to drop my standards so low to the point that he can't even hear anything without hearing aids in.

I grabbed my wallet off the couch and threw it across the room. He returned it. Of course he did, because he was such a nice guy. Why did I ruin things with him?

My thoughts kept bouncing all over the place and I had no idea what to think. On one hand, maybe it's a good thing he's gone. On the other, I kinda wanted to get to know him more, as weird as that sounded. I wanted that date with him, which definitely wasn't me settling.

Why couldn't I ever let myself be happy?