Musically in Love

Chapter 20

McKinley's POV

I was terrified. Tyler was here and he couldn't hear a thing. Which means he didn't hear the song I wrote for him or me confessing that I loved him at the end of it.

Maybe it was a good thing he didn't hear it. We've only been together a month. What was I thinking telling him I loved him so early? And at work too? I just got so excited that he was here and I wanted to play him that song and I said it and then it turns out he didn't hear any of it. We've only been together a month. I can't believe I did that.

The song was basically a confession of my love. I wrote it from the heart. I had meant to wait before showing it to him, but I had been working on it when he walked in and I got so excited that he was here I just had to play it. And then he goes and says he couldn't hear any if it!

I tried to forget about it when I went back to work. It helped that the woman I was helping was very into getting her daughter started on the flute. Since that happened to be one of the instruments I could play - although, admittedly, not very well - I let her excitement increase mine until I forgot about Tyler sitting over by my guitar I had out to entice customers to either buy one or book a lesson. At least, that was the excuse I used to be allowed to play during my shift. Sometimes it works, so I was allowed to keep doing it occasionally.

When the customer finally left, I let my thoughts wander back to what I had said. I grabbed Emma, pulling her into the back hallway. I didn't usually tell her all my problems like this, but I was a bit desperate at the moment.

"Slow the hell down," she said, pulling me to a stop before I could drag her all the way into the soundproof practice room. "What's the big deal?"

"His hearing aids are broken! He didn't hear any of it!"

Emma shrugged. "So play it for him again when they work? I don't know McKinley. That doesn't seem like such a big deal."

I shook my head. "That song was basically me saying I love him."

"Do you?"

"I... I think so?" I sighed. "But it's only been a month and it's so early and he's never said it to me before and I think it was definitely too early and I did it here of all places but then he didn't even hear any of it and I'm freaking out because I don't know what to do."

"Okay, breathe, first off. If you feel you weren't ready to say it, this is your redo. Most people don't get a second chance to say it to their lover for the first time."

I nodded. This gives me more time to figure things out. I should focus more on his lack of hearing at the moment rather than my own feelings.

I ran back out to the front and right over to Tyler, who was sitting in the same spot I had left him. He was looked at the guitars on the wall, so he didn't notice me until I tapped his shoulder. I realized at that moment that I didn't know how to talk to him. The only times he didn't wear them around me were when we weren't exactly doing a whole lot of talking, usually in the bedroom or the shower.

He looked up at me with a small smile. I knew he hated this as much as I did - probably more. He almost started crying before because he couldn't hear. I didn't want him to be sad, but I didn't know how to make him feel better.

"I don't know what to do," I said, even knowing that trying to say anything would be pointless.

He sighed and pulled out a small notebook and a pen, holding them both up. It was obvious what he was asking me.

"My handwriting is crap though! You won't be able to read it!"

He grabbed my hand, placing both items into my grasp. "Please." The desperation in his voice hurt me.

I looked at the blank paper, not knowing what I would write. Normally I just talk. This is why I preferred phone conversations to texting. Writing out my thoughts was hard.

I eventually settled for How long until you can get them fixed? I had to write slowly, carefully. My usual chicken scratch wouldn't be acceptable in this situation.

He read it. "I don't know. At least a month, probably."

A month! It was so difficult getting through this two-minute conversation. How can we manage to do this for a whole month?

I didn't know how to respond to that, so I did the next best thing. I wrote out I need to go back to work. I get off in 30 minutes if you want to wait?

After reading it, Tyler nodded. I wanted to kiss him again, but at the same time, I knew I probably shouldn't be doing that at work. I ended up patting his head with my hand a couple times before turning and walking back over to the counter.

What the hell is wrong with me? A pat on the head? What was I, four? I really hope he didn't find it as weird as I did.

I spent the next half an hour mentally freaking out. I couldn't talk to my boyfriend, not for the next month anyway. It was going to be really hard and I didn't know if I could handle it. But then that brings me to my other issue. If I really loved him, would this matter so much to me?

I should have known this was going to happen at some point. I mean, the boy was deaf. Hearing aids could only do so much and last so long. I just took them for granted, loving the fact that he was actually able to hear when he wore them. Now that they were gone, everything about our relationship was going to change. I didn't know if I was ready for that. Change scared me.

At the end of my shift, I still hadn't figured anything out. I lead Tyler out to my car, after he told me he didn't drive here. We sat in the parking lot for just a little too long in silence.

Then, finally making a decision, I started the car. I drove all the way to Tyler's house to drop him off. Right now, I needed to think everything through and I wouldn't be able to do that with Tyler right next to me.