Musically in Love

Chapter 21

McKinley's POV

My phone chimed, lighting up with a text message from Tyler. It was on the other side of my bed from where I sat and I stared it down, waiting for the screen to go black again.

I felt bad. Of course I did. But it's been two days since I've seen him and a full day since I've answered his texts. I just didn't know what to say to him anymore. It didn't help that we couldn't have verbal conversations either. I was stressing myself out over this, even though I knew I shouldn't be this worried about talking to my boyfriend.

I didn't even want to look at the text. It was probably him asking if I was okay again. No, Tyler, I wasn't okay. But I couldn't say that because I'm still capable of hearing when he's not. And that's exactly what my problem was. I didn't know how to act around him if he couldn't hear me. Everything about me had to do with hearing things.

The worst part was that I no longer thought I was in love with him. I spent the last two days thinking about it, coming to the conclusion that if I really did, I wouldn't be ignoring him. I wouldn't be scared of interacting with him because of something he has absolutely no control over.

I knew I was ruining things by ignoring him. I knew that, and yet I couldn't help myself. I obviously wasn't meant to ever be in a happy relationship, that's the conclusion I came up with.

Then that leads me to the question of whether I should break up with Tyler or not. He was an amazing person, he really was. I didn't want to hurt him. Except I knew that I was hurting him every time I deliberately ignored his texts. This was just an endless cycle and I didn't know how to get out of it.

Of course, the simple solution would be to just suck it up and talk to him. But when do I ever take the easy way?

I heard the front door close and I jumped off my bed. "Ben!" I called, rushing out of my room.

I found him heading for his bedroom, with Jenna right behind him. "What do you want?" he asked.

"I don't know how to talk to Tyler anymore," I blurted. I had been keeping that in for the last two days. I hadn't told anyone and I really needed to.

Ben rolled his eyes. "I don't know. He's your boyfriend. Do whatever you've been doing for the past month."

"I can't!"

"McKinley, can we please talk about this tomorrow?"

He looked back at Jenna and that's when I realized what I was interrupting. "Sorry. I'll leave you to it, I guess." Then I sulked back into my room, not knowing what to do now.

My phone was still sitting on the end of my bed where I had left it. I wanted to look at it, to read what Tyler had said, but I couldn't bring myself to. Reading it would only make me feel more guilty about not being able to answer him.

Ben's bedroom door shut and I knew that I didn't want to hang around here listening to whatever was about to happen in there. So, getting over myself, I grabbed my phone.

His text was waiting for me, just like I knew it would be. It was a simple Hey. A second text, however, which he sent a minute ago when I was talking to Ben, read: Please don't run away from this relationship. I understand that this is hard for you. It's not easy for me either. But I don't want to lose you, McKinley. You're one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

I read the message over and over again, each time making me feel even guiltier. Without answering, I quickly pulled my shoes on and grabbed my keys. I couldn't stay here any longer.

I soon found myself outside of Tyler's house. It was late, probably too late to be visiting, but there were still a few lights on inside. I debated with myself for a few minutes on whether or not to go up to the door. After reading over Tyler's text one more time, I made up my mind and got out of the car.

I banged on the front door, hoping Casey was still awake to hear it. After a few moments, she opened the door. She was wearing pajamas, and sort of looked like she had just crawled out of bed, but at least she opened the door for me.

"Is he here?" I asked. "Is he still awake?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah. Waiting for a text from you, actually."

"I know. I feel guilty enough as is. I just need to talk to him."

Casey nodded, taking a step back to let me in. "He's upstairs."

"Thanks!"

I ran up the stairs and straight to his bedroom, stopping in his doorway. He was sitting on his bed, a blanket pulled over his lap. His phone was in his hand and he watched it as he spun it gently, obviously waiting for me to text back.

I quickly pulled out my phone and sent him I'm sorry. I had to to wait a few seconds before he received it. The smile on his face when he saw my name made coming over here worth it.

Before he could type out whatever reply he was planning, I went over and sat on the edge of his bed. He finally looked up, confusion replacing the smile he was just wearing. I noticed that his eyes red. It looked like he had been crying.

I moved closer to him, pulling him towards me as I enveloped him into a tight hug. I held him for a while, neither of us moving. It felt really nice to hold him like this, breathing in his scent. I did miss him these last couple of days. 

Eventually, I heard Casey say my name from the doorway. I looked up, making Tyler look up too.

"I'm heading to bed," she said while simultaneously making some weird hand gestures.

I didn't figure it out until Tyler did something similar with his hands. Sign language! Why didn't I think about that before?

"You know sign language?" I asked Casey. "He knows sign language?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes... he's deaf. Of course he knows it. I've known it for years because my cousin is hard of hearing."

I knew at that moment that I needed to learn. If it allowed me to talk to Tyler, then I wanted to do it.

"How do I learn it?"

Casey shook her head. "I don't know. I'm sure there's classes or videos online or something. I'm too tired for this." She then signed something to Tyler, who chuckled. I wanted to know what she said, but I didn't want to ask.

As soon as she left - thankfully closing the door behind her - Tyler pulled me into another hug, gently pressing a kiss onto my temple. We stayed like that until he started falling asleep. He pulled me under the covers with him, keeping me in his grasp. Looks like I was staying the night, not that I minded at all. The real conversation was going to have to happen in the morning.