My Dysfunctional Teenage Life

Chapter 12

Cathrine's Pov

(for those who don't remember Cathrine is her mum)

I  rapidly walked out of the apartment and headed to the bus stop.I watched as  there was practically noone on the street . Everybody was home.There was only a company of teenage boys and girls holding cans of beers and making out on the bench.I watched disgused as those kids were drinking their beer across the street.I observed them trying to understand how they ended up at that place. There were four girls dressed in mini tops barely covering what's necessary. It was clear that they were trying to show off their boobs by wearing that short tops.Their  extremely short shorts  looked more like panties.There was one of them who wore a mini skirt.They had their hair straightened .I couldn't see clearly their makeup due to the dark but I could imagine that they had red lipstick and fake eyelashes which made them look older.They actually reminded me more of whores than girls.On the other side  boys wore brand T-shirts and baggy pants.As I stood on the bus stop and started observing them more closely I felt sorry for those teenagers.I watched as they drunk ten can beers in about ten minutes both boys and girls.The alcohol didn't stop them from even trying to held small competitions of who would drink faster two cans of beer.They swore endlessly calling each other names that I didn't know existed.I was surprised by the fact that girls cursed at the boys even worse than the boys did.I couldn't help but feel angry towards the parents of those kids.Weren't they worried about where were their kids at 12 pm? Why are they so unconscious? But who am I to judge them? I am probably the worst mother ever.I don't take care of Joann, I don't pay our bills..I don't even cook.But the most important is that I don't show my love to my daughter. Since I began to take drugs I've changed a lot.But I tried to stop taking them.I realy did.But every time I told them that I want to get clean they wouldn't let me.They just kept telling me that I owe them money and that if I stopped I would have to give them all their money in one night.They just basically threatened me.But I know.I can't keep doing this . It's not right.Not for me .For Joann . She's a wonderful girl who deserves a better mother.And I have to try to become one.

Joann.

She's my little girl . She's everything I have.I don't know what would I do if it wasn't for her . That's when I saw the bus coming.But I didn't stop it.Instead I went back to my apartment. As I stepped through the door I saw her.She was lying on the bed with her petit body hugging a teddy bear.She was so peaceful.She was a sleeping beauty.I just stayed there and admired her smiling all the time.Then I walked to the bedroom and sat behind her.I ran my thumb through her cheek and started talking to her.

"Joann, honey.I.It's me your mother. I know you can't hear me now so that's why I found the courage to talk you.I know that I am a mess.And that I don't deserve you.You are so strong and I completely admire you.I have so much to tell you but I can't now.Not like that.But I can tell you that I love you with all my heart and no matter what you will always be my little girl. I want to remember that mummy always loves you" And with that tears started streaming of my face...