Back to the Ground

•8•

        August is the worst, but also the best. It's the last month of summer which sucks, but it's also when a lot happens. One morning in mid-August I was home alone. My mom had said she was going out and my siblings were never really in the house, they mainly were catching up with their old friends. So I was sitting there watching movies, enjoying my time being a hermit. Until I heard a knock on my door. I knew that if it was Karlie she would just walk in, so I was slightly confused. I slowly walked down my steps, waltzing to my door. I opened it up and was shell shocked.

"Macey! Oh my god! I can't believe you're really fucking here." I screamed when I saw her. We spent sometime standing in my door way until we actually came inside. We talked for a little bit kicking back on my sofa until the door opened and Karlie came striding in.
"Okay Hanna, spill the tea."
"What tea Karlie?"
"You know what tea Hanna, don't act like an idiot."
"Okay so Hanna is acting like an idiot, but I'm not. What tea?"
"Karlie wants me to tell you guys about what happened in LA."
"More specifically what happened with Finn." Karlie added her input. The thing was, I didn't have much to say.
"If you guys ask me questions, I'll answer you. Tea is hard to spill when you're unaware if it is tea."
They nodded their heads as if they were thinking for a brief moment. Karlie obviously broke his silence.
"What happened when you saw each other?"
"Well, I was sitting in Iris' passenger seat and I started feeling nervous but also kinda...excited...I guess? Then we made eye contact and I opened up the door and I walked over to him and we hugged. It was so nice to hug him again. He was wearing the cologne I bought him, so that was nice. But I don't know what else t- oh my god! I forgot..."
"Forgot what?!" Karlie yelled.
"I kinda...sorta... Apologized? He told me I had no reason to say sorry but I do. I feel so bad for leaving him in the dust like I have been. It's just I'm so confused with how I feel. So yeah that's it."
They both looked at me, their eyes open wide. Macey finally decided to chime in.
"Okay okay, did you guys do...anything that whole time?"
"No, we just hung out and talked. It was casual, it was nice."
"No kissing?"
"I mean he wanted to when I first got there, but I turned and walked away."
Mouths were shot open and they looked at me, intently for nearly a minute. The tension was thick. And finally the dreaded question came out, thanks to Karlie.
"Are you guys going to get back together?"
I breathed deeply, sighing at the thought.
"I don't know."
"How do you not know? Hanna this doesn't seem that hard, you're either going to be together or you're not."
"Karlie! I don't know because I'm still stuck. I'm stuck at this cross road of love and fear. I'm so utterly in love with him that I just want to be with him and talk to him all the time, but the fear of that pain coming back stops it all. Our relationship was too perfect. We never fought, I mean we had silly little stupid fights but it was never big things that challenged us. It was all perfect all the time. So Karlie. That how's I don't know."
      I said sharply, a tear trickling down your cheek. I felt a hand start rubbing my back. But this harsh moment helped me make a decision. I brought my head slowly up and I turned to my two friends sitting in front of me.

"Guys. I know what I want to do."