Back to the Ground

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I woke up that morning extremely nervous for what was about to happen. This was gonna be the first time that Finn and I were going to talk about the fall out. We were also gonna talk about our futures, and that's what I'm most scared about. I rolled out of bed and through on some comfy clothes, we were just walking along the railroad tracks behind my house I had no real need to dress nicely. I coated my lashes with a small amount of mascara and i steadied my breathing.

    I got there before him and i had to wait quite a few minutes. With each minute passing i thought of a few more things to talk about. When he finally showed up, it was awkward. We did some small talk and i began to be impatient.

"Finn, were you okay when you yelled at me?"

"No. I wasn't. It was a miserable day at the filming location and i had stacks of school work to catch up on. It didnt help that all i wanted to do was be with you and talk to you, but the stress got the best of me. I never wanted to snap at you.I cant control my own stress. But i guess thats my own problem. "

"Finn. Then why didnt you text me and say 'hey, im feeling stressed, i love you'.  You left me on read for a week and i got worried. you could have texted me at least once a day letting me know you still cared. I felt neglected Finn. SO SO neglected."

     He fell silent for a second, almost certainly because he felt guilty.

"I dont think you realize how much you effect me. My paragraph didnt explain it all. Our relationship feels just so perfect, so so perfect. You make me feel like im up in the clouds floating from happiness whenever im with you."

"Thats the thing Finn. Relationships arent supposed to be perfect. Youre not supposed to feel like youre floating. Its time we get back to the ground and deal with this practically. Its healthy to fight, and its healthy to have feelings, thats what ive realized through all of this."

He nodded in understanding and the air stood silent for a few minutes. The silence was broken with a question.

"Hanna, what do you want for your future?"

"I want to finish schooling first off. I want one year of work before i settle down. Then i want to get married, buy a house, maybe have some kids. But i also want my job to be a big part of my life."

"Id be away so often for filming. If we get married and have kids, how will that work? We both want our jobs to be a big part of our life but that will be leaving our kids out to dry."

"Maybe they can travel with us, or a nanny, but  i don't think we have to cross that bridge until we come to it."

"Do you still love me?"

      I felt my eyes start to well up with tears. I stopped dead in my tracks and my breathing hitched. I knew what my answer is but for some reason i couldn't spit it out. I felt almost embarrassed by how much i had begun to cry. I started to smile when i could finally speak and i turned to face him. I grabbed his wrist and pulled him close.

"Its bullshit."

"You dont love me?"

"Im just fucking with you. Of course i love you finn. Why do you think im trying so hard to make this right."

"THat was so mean Hanna! You scared the shit out of me oh my god. You used my own show against me jesus christ." He pushed my shoulder gently. I gasped dramatically and turned away, quickening my step for effect.

"Hanna, dont be overdramatic."

I walked away, faster and faster before i turned around and said,

"Im just messing with you. Catch up, weve still got a lot to talk about."

     And with that he followed. We talked some more about our future, and then something happened,

More perfectly than i could imagine.