Lost memories.

The truth hurts

Millie

Everytime I go to sleep, I'm terrified of what I will see in my deadly nightmares. That same nightmare haunts me mercilessly whether I am awake or not. Each time, my heart stops. I forget to breath. Lungs ache with piercing pain. Like a volcano, my throat burns. I stand there watching them eat each others faces off ,without  knowing how to stop it. I open my mouth to scream at her to get her filthy hands off my boyfriend but a sob is all I can manage. My hands itch to grab her by the hair and claw her face off but they refuse to move from my sides. As tears cloud my vision, I turn to leave. To get away. I don't care where I go or how I get there. I just need to move. Forcing my feet to move, I find myself heading for my black Mercedes. I see the lights flash, but I dont hear the doors unlock. My ears feel like they are stuffed with cotton, making all sound drown away before reaching me. I know James starts calling for me but I don't stop. Instead I run. Stumbling over my feet and chocking on my own spit. I run. The car is only two feet away now but it feels so far away. My legs feel like they are trudging through thick oil but I still push on. Four more steps- three more, two -and I'm there. I dont even stop to congratulate myself,I just start the engine. Vaguely, I'm aware of James pounding on my window but I ignore him and just drive. Shock, horror I'm down. There's a lump in my chest that sends cold through my head and, my mind shuts sound out. I'm on auto pilot and my tongues gone silent. Just switch it off and lay it down next to me. My heart is aching, constricting,suffocating. My mind is racing with the pictures I'm painting and my belly is sick to its stomach, when I remember how lucky I thought I was up until this day.

I avert my gaze from the road for less than five seconds just so I can get a tissue but since my hearing is blocked, I don't hear the lorry until I'm crashing into it. Because I didnt put my seat belt on, I'm jostled forward-

I wake gasping for air. Heart pounding so hard against my chest, that it feels like its going to explode. Trembling from the horror, I struggle to breath. Though its always the same, it feels like it gets worse each time.

"It gets better." Scrambling in bed, I fumble for the light switch for my bedside lamp.

"James?"

"Sorry if I scared you."

"No, um, i thought you would be with Rebecca, what are you doing here?" On my bed, in the middle of the night. I haven't heard from you since the day I got my memory back-two days ago- and now you just turn up in my bedroom?

"Oh, she won't be needing me anymore."

"What do you-oh..." I guess that was his way of saying she has passed on. There's a short silence after that. Eventhough I'm the same Millie I was once before, I can't think of anything to say. No-one likes being pitied so I don't even bother telling him its okay 'cause it not. She won't ever com back. She's gone for ever and he will never see her again.

"Do you think it will ever go? The pain I mean." I don't need to see his face to know that he is holding back tears. The thickness in his voice is enough to show me how much he is hurting.

"Its gonna hurt before it heals but it'll all get better in time. And I can't pretend to know how you feel but know that I'm here, and know that I'm real. Say whatever you want or don't talk at all. Just know that you don't always have to be strong. My shoulders may be small but you can cry on them because crying doesnt mean youre weak. It just shows that youre strong enough to let go." So he cries and I let him.

" Okay?" He askes quietly when he's stopped crying. Because it turned out that okay can't just be our always. Its our 'I will love you forever, through the good and the bad and the ugly. We'll grow old together, and always remember whether rich or for poor or for better. Whether happy or sad or whatever, we'll still love each other. Forever and always.'

"Okay."

The end.