Lost memories.

Confessions

Millie

So apparently having two huge bowls of icecream an hour before dinner is not that great of an idea. Currently, Charlie, mum and I are sitting at the dinner table and just the look of the food itself is making me sick.

"Right, is there something wrong with the food because the pair of you haven't touched your plates," Mum is really big on the whole starving children in Africa thing and she hates food being wasted.

"No Lissa, the food is quiet nice, we're just not that hungry, that's all." Great excuse there Charlie. Way to dig a whole for the pair of us.

"Oh really, how come?" Her curiosity isnt a good one. Charlie looks so scared its so tempting to just burst out laughing but that wyoyld be mean. Instead, i decide to help him out. Mum can be a bit intimidating.

"We had icecream." No point beating around the bush, is there? She'll find out soon enough.

"And we are so very sorry for not being thoughtful", Charlie adds.

"Is there something going on between your two that I need to know about?"

"What?! No!"

"No!" Charlie shakes his head vigorously .

"Well their better not be or else you will be loosing your job young man," she jokes but neither Charlie nor i find it funny.

"Im with someone, so no worries." At that response, i feel a pang of jelousy. For what reason, im not really sure but i suddenly dont want to be here anymore.

"There, you see, problem solved. He has a girlfriend, i have a boyfriend, no-one loses their job. Thank you for the food, but im gonna head upstairs." With that, i excuse myself from the dinner table and practically run out of the room.

Once i have my bedroom door closed, i lean my back on it with my eyes closed. Why did i feel so jelous back then? Its not like i like Charlie or anything is it? I mean, yeah he is goodlooking and a good friend but thats all he is for me. A friend. But then again, im not really used to sharing yet so thats probably why i got all uptight. Its a bit stupid really. I mean, i should have made a mental note that it is simply illogical that someone with his qualities would be single. I guess it just came as a bit of a shock to be honest. Taking a deep breath, i push myself off from the wall, grabbing my sketch pad, i head for my bed and sit on it crosslegged. Just as im getting comfortable, there's a knock on my door. I wonder who that will be...

"Its open."

"Hey, can i come in?"

"No. Stay outside and stand on one leg."

"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit."

"Youre the lowest form of mankind."

"And youre just jelous."

"Of what exactly?"

"Of me being with someone else". Oh that smirk. How i want to slap it off his beautiful face.

"Is that the only reason why youre here?"

"So you like me then?"

"You cant answer my question with another question."

"I think i just did..."

"Fine. If you really want to know, the answer to your question is i dont know. I mean, the way i feel about you is different from James. You might be all goodlooks and charming but i see you more like a gay bestfriend rather than someone im really into. No offence."

"Thats quite funny actually."

"How so?"

" 'Cause when i said i was with someone, you obviously took it the wrong way..."

"What so youre not with anyone?"

"Well i am, but not in the way you think."

"So you dont have a girlfriend?"

"Not quite... More like a boyfriend..." No way!

"You mean youre..." No need to finish that sentence 'cause he knows

what im trying to say and he nods in response.

"With Craig".

"Say what? You means Bradly Cooper blue eyes Craig?" Craig Johnson is awesome! Ive met him a couple of times but he does not look gay at all. If anything, he looks straight a lamppost. He is just as lovely as Charlie. They are practically best friends and now ive learnt they are way more than just 'friends'.

"Yes." Charlie says not meeting my eyes. Oh gosh he is embarrased. Well i cant really say that i wouldnt be embarrased to come out to someone like that. But im not one to judge. I think being gay is as normal as being straight no matter what anyone else says. Thats just my opinioon really.

"Thats so cool!" I decide to give him the shock of his life and hug him.

"Wait, youre cool with it?"

"Oh dont be silly, ofcourse im cool with you being gay. It comes as such an advantage to me. I mean, i dont have to worry about James being jelous 'cause youre not attracted to me. And ive always wanted to have a gay bestfriend. Infact, this morning i was thinking about how if i was single i would date you but since im not, you would still make a great gay bestfriend."

"But i dont even look gay!"

"True but you act so feminine," i tease.

"Oh shut up." There is a moment of silence as I take in the news. Then, I decide to let him know that I appreciate him sharing his secret with me.

"Thanks for telling me though, it means a lot that you would trust me with that kind of information."

"No, thank you for not freaking out. Youre a great person and anyone would be lucky to even know you. Frankly, if that James guy of yours doesnt sort himself out, he wont know what he had until he has lost you," he squeezes my free hand and i squeeze him back. This is what a real friend is suposed to be like.