Between You and Me

~~17~~

Life throws curveballs to spice things up just for the hell of it. One of those was just now.

I had woken up to use the bathroom at 2am and decided to get a drink of water from our little kitchen. I was leaning against the counter when I heard the door unlock and open. A bag dropped to the floor before the door was closed and locked again.

Is that who I think it is?

"Mum?" I peek around the corner and as I suspected, my mother is heading in the direction of her bedroom.
"Oh lord." She jumps and puts a hand to her heart, turning to face me, "You scared me Sage."
I head over I'm her direction, "What're you doing coming home so late?"

Even in the dark with only the moon shining some light I see her cheeks warm a little.

"Were you out with someone?" I raise my eyebrows.
"I was. I went out on a date and I just got dropped off." She smiles a little.
"Wow mum how many dates is that? Reeling in the men huh?" I fake looking at my watch and smile at her.
"I should same the same to you but I can't." She winks, "You're just reeling in Oliver."

I snort and turn to put my empty glass in the sink.

"Don't walk away from me young lady." She laughs.
"Mum stop. I don't want to talk about my boyfriend with my mom."
"Why not? I have lots of life experience, I can help!"
"What makes you think I need help with Oliver?"
"Sage." She stares at me seriously, "If you ever want to talk about him or anything else, you know I'm here. I'm aware of your old lifestyle choices in our old city, you've never been in a relationship this serious before. I know you like him. A lot. I don't want you to mess this up."
"Thanks Mum but, this isn't that serious. I'll talk with you if I need to but I'm focused on school right now."

She raises one eyebrow and smiles before hugging me and heading off to her room.

This conversation has me thinking over two things.

One - I wasn't aware my mum was dating again, or that she was ready to stay with a guy until 2am.

Two - is my relationship with Oliver serious? I never intended it to be. I had always imagined our futures being separate.

~~~~~

"We've only got a two months of class left before the summer, and then off to college."
Shilo suddenly looks up and blurts in the middle of studying with me.

I look at her and observe for a second. Her face shows she's nervous about what's to come, I know that face because I see it every morning in the mirror.

"Then loads of classes, new surroundings, new classmates, new teachers, hell even new states for some of us going away," She continues, "Did we work enough? Save up enough? How much extra are textbooks? Summer courses? Maybe we won't even like what we chose to study what would we do then?"
"Wrong verb tense. I still haven't picked what I want to do." I add to her list.

We stare at each other for a second, my brain and I'm sure hers both stirring up more panicked thoughts for the near future.

Shilo's eyes soften and she shuffles her chair closer, "I'm sorry, I'm not helping at all."
"You really aren't." I laugh nervously.
"You still haven't decided yet?"
"No. I seem to have too many interests." I smile sadly.
She rolls her eyes slightly, but I still see it, "Impossible. You haven't a clue where you're going at all?"
"Of course I have some idea. I have a few schools in mind with a few majors I find appealing. I can't tell Oliver, though."
She nods at my last point, "Because you know he'll follow you like an adorable lost puppy and ignore offers from powerful athletic schools."
"Exactly."

Shilo exhales and packs her things into her backpack after a second.

"I'm buying ice cream. And on the way you're telling me where you're interested in going, and I won't tell Oliver."
"Deal."

And so I tell my best friend where I'm looking to study after we graduate this year. I tell her that Penn State has an applied psychology program that I find a possibility and a criminology program. I tell her that I'm looking into both linguistics and anthropology at MIT. And I tell her that I'm interested in journalism and anthropology at University of Oregon.

Shilo takes a lick of her double scoop chocolate fudge ripple ice cream, "That's a lot of choices."
"I know." I eat a spoonful of my vanilla and coffee flavours together and sigh.
"Anthropology is on your list twice. Are you leaning that way?"
"I think so? But I'm not really sure at this point."
"And lover boy has no idea where you're looking into at all? How's he reacting to that."  She snorts and gets ice cream up her nose, I almost fall off my chair laughing, grateful for the simple yet short distraction.
"He's mad at me for keeping it from him. He's not admitting he's frustrated, but I've known him long enough to know he really isn't pleased."
My best friend leans into look me closer in the eye, "You really don't think you could stay together after this year?"

I'm a little intimidated by her sudden proximity to me. Although I know it's just to get the truth from what my eyes say.

"Not really. How could we? We're both so young there's no way this could possibly be anything more than a simple distraction from his life. He's treated me very well, and I'm grateful for that but I just don't have confidence in a senior year fling."
"You think this is just a fling? Really?" She shakes her head, "Are you daft?"
"Excuse me?" My eyebrows wrinkle together at her confusion.
"You are daft then. Alright babe I'm going to have to spell this out for you."

Shilo gets up, throws her unfinished ice cream in the trash bin - which seriously wounds my soul - and drags me off to her car. She drives me to the park a few minutes away from the parlour and shoves me down on a bench beside a small pond.

"That boy is head-over-heels for you."

She lets that sink in for a second and I'm glad she does. My eyes widen at this new development.

"And you're the same for him."
"You're definitely mistaken. I don't-"
"No. You're right. You don't love him... yet. But I know you and I'm aware of that small part of you - your heart - that believes that Oliver is just perfect for you. That part wants to tell him your choice for next year, it wants him to follow you even if he's at a school way below his athletic ability. It wants you to stay with him all throughout college even throughout the inevitable arguments, the new environment, the new people and the new feelings. I'm tired of your ignoring the part of you that's wants to be happy with him. For some reason unbeknownst to me you only ever listen to your brain. I'm begging you, Sage, for once please listen to your heart."

I can't think straight. That's all I feel is like big brother plucked me from my plan and tossed me onto another path without informing me of my destination. Only it's not big brother changing things around... it's my heart... my feelings.

Since I arrived in this strange little town I have prided myself on letting my mind rule what I do. I've been rational in my decisions and yet I've been played. This whole time my heart has been leading my brain off to a separate universe through the wormhole that is Oliver Barnett.

I stare wide eyed at Shilo, "You're right. I have to let things happen, stop being so controlling."
"I'm always right, it's about damn time you realize that."