WALLS(Zayn Malik A.U)

Chapter 20: Thinking

ZAYN

"Are you sure, you're ready"

I took a deep breathe and looked at then screwdriver in my hand.

"I'm ready" I replied.

"Okay this weekend Zayn" Liam says I smile.

"This weekend" I repeat his words before hanging up the phone.

This Sunday, I'm leaving, I'm leaving Lauren-Hills, this country everything. I know when I'll see my mum and sister again. Yet, this is what I have to do to keep everyone I love safe. I fucked up, badly, and now I need to make sure my mistakes don't hurt anyone else. I already knew it was my nurse Mikey knocking on my door for lunch.

I walked over to my door and opened it walking past him. When I got to the hallway that led to the cafeteria I saw Ava walking her palms tugging at her long sleeve shirt, even though its nearly summer. She's been quiet and has been alienating herself since she fainted in the cafeteria last week.

"Av's" I called, her silence has been completely unsettling.

She looked up at me and pursed her lips together, but kept walking. I sighed but followed her to the cafeteria line, I want to be able to at least have a proper goodbye to her at some point this week but I can't when she's all depressed.

"Have, er, can you at least speak to Margaret." I asked when we sat down with the Sam turkey sandwiches.

"No" She said simply then looked away, I exhaled and took a bite of the cold sandwich. I don't even know why I became friends with someone who was bound to break, she's weak. Yet, apart of me feels as if she could be so much more.

"Oh, um I went to the nurse's this morning and they said Ginger would be here, on Thursday." I explained hoping to get some reaction.

"That's good" She said not facing me, why am I trying so hard.

Jesus!

"Look Ava, you can't keep all these emotions bottled up inside like this, at least, at the very least please tell me one thing you're feeling so you're not a complete ghost" I'm practically begging at this point.

"Zayn, I'm fine...I'm just tired ya know what.." I furrowed my eyebrows as I watched her stand up and just walk out of the cafeteria after talking to her nurse. Seriously.

~

"So Zayn how have you been" Margaret asked as I sat in her office.

"Amazing" I answered with a sly smile.

She rolled her eyes at me "You know Zayn I don't like lying"

"I'm not I've been better" I say.

"Okay..." She zoned off while writing something in her notebook. "Zayn, have you had any specific thoughts" She inquired.

Besides my plans to leave this hell hole forever...

"No, I've been channeling my anger for the best" I lie putting on my best fake smile. She mirrors my lips and writes something else in her damned notebook.

"Well Zayn, we're close to a break through"

Internally I'm a laughing idiot, it's funny realizing whats really about to happen this week, contrary to what she thinks.

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I walked through the dark halls of Lauren-Hills, scared I might be caught. The halls were empty except for the casual nurses that walked through checking on sleeping patients. I walked carefully through a long hall making sure I'm not caught by a faceless nurse. I heard the faint sound of chattering, curiosity getting the best of me, I walked towards it. It was Zayn and some girl, I didnt know the girls voice, but I knew Zayns from anywhere. Due tomsome higher force, I slipped infront of them, therenwss no girl only Zayn. And, he was coming at me in an intimidating stance. I coward back, but he got ahold of me and the next second, we were kissing-oh so passionately, and oh so sweetly. We were on golden satin sheets on huge beds, in what seemed to be in a world made of-

I huffed out a heavy breathe when I woke up suddenly from the dream. I sat up, lifting my knees to point towards the ceiling, and ran some fingers through my hair. This is atleast the tenth dream I had of Zayn, and this dream was mother Mary compared to the others.

I laid my head back down and looked out the window, the sky was a milky blue color and early birds were chirping their heads off. It must be around five or possibly six, I dont know. But theres no way in hell I'm going back to sleep. I stood up, off the bed and stretched my body out then walked towards my door. Some mornings, even though I've spent months here, it was hard to walk out my door because I think I'm going to walk into the hallway of my house. I shake off that thought, not wanting to already drive myself deeper in a colorless world I've found myself living in recently.

I walked out of the room entering the halls, it's suddenly feeling like my dream again. I walked quietly through the halls, just taking in the peaceful morning and beautiful early sky. It stopped when I noticed a random nurse walking around and I rushed over to her.

"Hello, I can not sleep I was wondering if I could hit the showers" I asked the older plump nurse. She smiled sweetly, oddly she's familliar, well besides the fact that she works here at a place I've been stuck in.

"Well, of course" She said, not loosing the smile. It's quite creepy to be honest no one smiles like that at six in the morning,

I wasn't surprised when she had to follow me to the girls showers, every since that other british kid Landon or whatever disappeared, they've been on top of their game.

The second the warm water trickled down my tan skin, I was in heaven. It was perfect fkr some reason. The second I closed my eyes, I was thrown into regret land because itnwas Zayns face that appeared. What the hell is wrong with me, I dont like him, I can never fall in love again I'm sure. Not that falling in love with Zayn 'keeps everything hidden, like a cliche movie character' Malik, is a option. I exhaled heavily and placed my forehead on the shower wall. I just really do not want to be here, I wantnto talk to my parents I really do, but when they call I tell nurses I don't want to talk to them. What parents ship their child to a modern day crazy house, bit never visits? I atleast wanted something from my brother Danny, but nope. I was stuck here with Zayn, Ginger, a quiet girl named Lucia from the morning group sessions and my nurse.

This is what happens every day, I try to become happier but then I drown myself in the most pessimistic thoughts. Margaret literally is suggesting I go on depression pills. Yes, give the girl who tried killing herself with pills...more pills. The thought of suicide crossed my mind a few more times recently..

I sighed again turning the water off, shit..

"Mary I forgot my towel!" I yell.

A hand pokes through the curtain holding out a white towel..thats not Mary.