Think Twice

Part 13

After spending six days in the hospital they were home. In their new apartment. But the perfect picture was missing a vital piece. The Magnussons were abruptly cut down to two. Two broken hearts. 

Noora was wearing it all on the outside whilst William was keeping it together and crying inside. 

She was quiet, distant, lost. 

He was hands-on on everything, being the broad shoulder and lending out a hand. 

She was in the rabbit hole so he couldn't go down with her even though most days that's the only thing he wanted to do. But if he did neither of them might come out alive. So he had to stay on the ground and safely and steady pull her out and maybe pull himself together in the process. And then maybe, maybe they could mend their broken hearts together. 

The everyday life quickly caught up with them and ran its usual course. William went about his days, Noora mostly laid in bed and stared into the thin air. They didn't talk much but, there wasn't much to be said anyway and even when he tried there were usually short uncomprehended answers from her. Family and friends came by frequently, they tried to help the best they could and some methods would even be good and work for a few days before they fell again, especially Noora. He was seriously worried about her. A month had passed and she was as sad and unmovable as the day they came home from the hospital. He felt paralyzed as to what more he could do for her to get better. 

One day when he was off to work, she lay in bed and pretended to be sleeping, as she had done so many times recently until he was out the door. She got up to go to the bathroom when she noticed the door to Noahs' nursery were slightly open. She hadn't been in there since they came back. The room which had been painted green by their choice for his room had been painted over with a dark grey color. And all his furniture were gone. Only the yellow Ikea chair, that she had fallen in love with at first sight, in the corner by the window. It was perfect for the nursery and looked comfortable to sit in for hours when breastfeeding she thought then. 

She started to cry. For the first time. She cried so much, finally letting it out and letting herself feel the pain. The tears were like a waterfall and the pain in her chest was indescribable. She felt as if she was gonna die from the ache. When William stormed into the room she was crawling on the floor crying. He came back to the apartment because he forgot his phone and when he heard Noora he ran over. 

W: Baby, whats wrong? - he sat down beside her, took her into his arms, hugged and kissed her head. She let him. 

W: Baby... hey... hysj... it's okay.

N: I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry for everything.

W: Hysj baby.. you have nothing to be sorry about.

N: I lost our Noah... I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to do that.

W: Baby... look at me - he took her face in his hands and looked at her, their faces inches from each other – This is not your fault. None of this. What happened to us was a tragedy, but we will get through this. I will pull us through this. I promise. And we'll have more chances baby. We will. And lots of Noahs and Mathildas one day I promise okay.

N: - nodded through her tears – I love you

W: I love you too baby. So much.

They sat there for hours, hugging, rocking each other and finally talking to each other. Still not talking much about the subject but at least they were talking. He wondered if they should sell the apartment, he would be okay if that's what she wanted to do. She didn't. She loved their new apartment even though the start of it has been slightly rocky.

They talked about her continuing school, it wasn't too late for her to sign up for an exam or two so the year isn't completely wasted. She had been working so hard all year and getting straight A's on the assignments. It would be a shame to let it all go to waste and having to repeat the courses all over again next year.

She could maybe even start working again, it doesn't have to be big productions. She could do a hosting job or something first, see how it goes, how she feels being in front of the camera again and then decide what next.

But first, he wanted her to see someone, seek professional help. He was seriously worried about her. In the beginning, he thought she only needed time and that it all would heal eventually but, it isn't. Even though her crying, letting it out is a step in the right direction they have a long road ahead and he feels like only a psychologist will help. To his surprise, she agrees to go to therapy. 

Maybe there is still hope he thinks to himself.