Think Twice

Part 14

Two months later Noora is in their bedroom putting on a dress when William walks in.

W: Hey. You look nice. 

N: Hi. Thanks. How was work?

W: Productive. Are you going somewhere?

N: To a party.

W: A party?? - surprised

N: Yeah.

W: Wh... - he composed himself and held back.

( I hated him, even more, when he did that. I wanted him to scream out, to yell, to forbid me from going, to hit me, to blame me, to hate me as much as I hated myself. Anything but be nice and calm and composed all the freaking time about everything.)

W: What kind of party?

N: Sara's birthday.

W: Oh.

Noora went to the bathroom to finish her make-up. He came and stood in the doorway looking at her in the mirror. After a beat he said.

W: Do you really think a party is what you need now?

N: Yes.

W: Well... I don't feel like you should go to a party Nor.

She looked at him in the mirror, their eyes locked. Things were seemingly good for a few weeks after that meltdown on the floor in the nursery. But they eventually drifted apart again, not talking to each other, living separate lives and whenever he tried to come close she quickly pulled away. It was like living in a bad dream, but she didn't let go. She didn't know how to. Neither did she want to in all honesty. But she felt he was better off so she tried close to everything to push him away. Eventually, something will work she knew that. But she was already dead inside so whats one more loss to the list. 

N: Well... I don't feel like sitting here with you and looking at these f...... four walls anymore.

He bored his eyes into hers, surprised by her harsh words. His eyes started filling up. He nodded and stormed out.

That same night while William was out with Vegard and Mats, she texted him. He didn't drink because he suspected she would need him.

N: «Can you pick me up?»

W: «Where are you?»

N: «Jar Bestum.»

W: «Those are two different parts of town.»

He calls her when he parks the car outside the house in Jar that she texted him the address to eventually. A minute later she gets quickly and clumsy into the car.

W: Hi

N: Hi. Thanks for coming.

W: Of course. How was the party?

N: Fun.

The rest of the drive they were silent. The silence had become a familiar ghost in their relationship.

Two days after the party while they were having dinner at their newly accommodated dining room table.

N: I met someone at the party. - she suddenly said

W: What do you mean?

N: I met a guy.

W: Ok. - he put down his fork and knife and looked directly at her. It was a long time since he did that. She had changed. Her eyes had lost all their light, it was as if he was looking at someone he didn't know anymore. And honestly, he didn't.

N: And we spent the whole night talking.

W: Ok. And?

N: And... it was nice. It was refreshing. Normal. I haven't felt normal in a long time... - she took a deep breath - And I've been thinking about him. I've been thinking about calling him. I've been thinking about kissing him and what that would feel like. I've been thinking about being with him and...

W: Stop! Stop! Stop! I don't want to listen anymore. You think about being with someone else?

She nodded.

W: I understand you are hurting Noora, but if you think about kissing and being with other people, you have already excited this relationship.

N: Oh whatever. Like you have never done anything wrong.

W: Are you kidding me? Wrong yes, but thinking about kissing and being with other girls, no. After all these years. You still don't believe me.

N: I believe you are full of shit. I believe you're a great actor that has implied your craft into your private life. No one can be that nice. And I mean all the freaking time.

W: What the hell is the matter with you? ...Why is it so hard for you to understand that I want to be with you. Only you.

N: Yeah right. I don't know if its love or stupidity.

W: Don't do that. - he said hurt - You can hate me. You can treat me like shit, walk all over me if it gives you that much pleasure. You can even cheat on me. But, don't patronize my feelings for you.

N: You sound like a cheesy teen movie.

W: And you sound like a lost and heartbroken girl.

She froze. And swallowed the clump in her throat. He had hit the nail in the coffin with that.

N: Then why are you still here? - she said quiet and composed.

W: Because I love you. Because you are still the only one I love. The only one I want to make a life with.

N: You are pathetic.

W: I may very well be, but I am not the one flirting with other people behind your back and thinking about sleeping with them. 

He got up, took his jacket and shoes on and walked out of the apartment.

He was right. I had excited this relationship a long time ago.