Her Secret

sixteen | strangers

Zach's reaction was about what I expected. He left.

It took him about thirty seconds to process what I had said and the weight behind my words before he left.

I am now extremely thankful to myself for pushing everybody away. It's a lot easier than seeing their backs turn on you as they leave you to your fate.

I understand, which is why I tried to avoid this from happening. But of course I had to open my big dumb mouth.

I hitched a ride back to the hotel with Mary-Anne and Sean, telling them we'll keep in touch. Which was a lie.

It's been about an hour now and Zach still hasn't come to the room, and I can't lie and say that I'm not worried. He doesn't know the area and it's about to get dark.

My phone ringing brought me out of my trance and I jumped towards it hoping that it was Zach calling.

"Hello?!" I rushed out.

"Lee? Is everything okay?" Dylan. Not Zach. I couldn't help but release a sigh of disappointment and frustration as I started pacing the room.

"No everything is not okay, Dyl. I fucked up." I reply with a slight growl to my voice as I pull at my hair.

"What's going on, Leena? You're scaring me." Dylan worriedly says.

"I told him, Dyl. I told Zach I have cancer and now he's fucking gone." I say as I feel tears of sadness and anger brim my eyes. He left, I always knew he would, but it doesn't make it any easier.

"What the fuck do you mean he left?" Dylan yells

"I mean he left, Dylan!" I shout "I mean I finally fucking told somebody and he left! I knew I was keeping my mouth shut for a reason."

I hear a few curses from his end of the line as he shuffles around.

"I swear to God when I get my hands on that fucker." Dyl growls, his voice unrecognizable.

"You'll what, Dyl?" I bitterly laugh "You'll beat the shit out of him for not holding your dead sisters hand? You'll yell at him for recognizing that he can't save me but he can save himself?"

"Stop talking like that, Lee! For fuck sakes you're not dead yet! Stop acting like you are and stop expecting others to act like you are! You're a human being and he could have had some more fucking decency."

I'm about to respond when the door to our room slams shut. I look past my teary eyes to see Zach staring at me as if he doesn't know me. As if I'm a stranger.

I cough the sobs out of my throat and blink away my tears as I hurriedly tell Dylan that I need to go. I hang up the phone throwing it on the bed and just stare back. Trying to do anything and everything in my will power to prepare myself for the devastating conversation I'm about to have.

I can't say for certain how long we just stared at each other, but I can say that it felt like a lifetime.

"How long?" he asks with a defeat littering his voice. He's given up.

Good, so have I.

"I start chemo the day after we get back. I'm not sure how much longer afte-"

"No." he growls out. "How long have you had c-cancer?" Zach forces out, while chocking on my disease.

I take a deep breath to sturdy myself as I answer "About a year."

"And wha-"

"Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma." I lowly cut in. "It's cancer in my lymphocytes, they're white blood cells in the immune system. There's supposed to be a 70% survival rate over five years, but this is going to be my second round of chemo in one year to try and stop it from spreading."

"Are your doctors hopeful?" he asks.

"It's their job to be." I answer. "But it's been a year with no improvement."

"Why didn't you tell me? Don't you think I deserved to know before this trip started?" Zach lowly and calmly asks, it's a tone that scares me.

"I haven't told anyone except for my parents and brother." I answer back, just as calmly.

"What, so that's it?" Zach yells out as he brings his arms up in exasperation. "After this trip we weren't going to speak again? You were going to move on with your life and act as if this never happened?"

"I was not 'going to move on with my life'!" I growl out as I take a step closer to him. "I was going to go to the hospital to get chemotherapy. I was going to go and suffer in silence just as I have for the past year. Don't try and act as if me walking away wouldn't have any effect on me either."

"Well it sure as hell seems like it doesn't." Zach sneers at me as he takes a step closer, making us about a foot apart.

"What, Zach?" I shout. "What do you want me to do? Do you want me to tell you that I'll probably be okay? That I'll make it through this and I'll live a long, happy life. And in the mean time you can come to the hospital with me and you can hold my hair back as I puke every fucking thing I eat, that you can tell me that even though I'm bald I'm still pretty, and you can encourage me and tell me that you know how hard it is on me and all I need to do is make it through a little longer?"

"Well shit, Leena!" He yells back. "Maybe knowing would be good? Maybe you telling me that you have cancer and tha-"

He suddenly stops talking and looks at me through his loss of words.

"Finish that sentence, Zach." I calmly say. "I've tried to. God, you don't know how many times I tried to, but there's no end. You'd be supportive for a while and then what? What if I'm sick for five years? You and all my friends will eventually leave. Your lives don't stop because of mine. You'll all go away to school, you'll meet people, you'll live. And I'll rot. I'll be in that hospital for another four years. You'll all have your lives started and I'll be lucky to still be breathing. I'm a burden, Zach. An obligation. It's bad enough my family has to deal with it, but you guys shouldn't."

"Life doesn't stop for anyone, Zach. Including me."

I took his silence as an agreement to my words and I had just turned around to grab my bag when Zach gently grabbed my wrist.

"Lenny." He desperately whispered.

I turned around and smiled at him through my tears. I moved towards him and wrapped my arms around his neck as his went around my waist tightly enough to make me believe for a second he didn't want to let me go. Maybe be wanted to stay.

"Don't worry, Zach." I softly said. "This trip, has been everything I could have possibly imagined and more. You truly have no idea how happy it's made me to get away from everything for a while. It's been a dream, Zach."

I softly cupped his cheek and wiped a stray tear that fell from his eyes.

"You've been a dream, Zach. And I'll never forget it, so thank you so much."

And with that I kissed him softly, before grabbing my bags and leaving the room.

Dylan: I left about an hour ago Lee, I should be there soon.

That leaves me with two hours to cry.

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Wow, I cried writing that one! Next update will be here soon.

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