Her Secret

seventeen | a millisecond

A/N: I recommend listening to Sam Smith's Pray for this chapter! Enjoy and show your support!

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I'm not sure why waiting for Dylan to come pick me up felt like no time at all, but then again it feels like time is non-existent to me right now.

Dylan had tried to ask me about what happened and threatened to kick Zach's ass many times but I barely heard him.

The car ride felt like a millisecond. The lecture from my parents felt like a millisecond. And the time I've spent looking at myself in the mirror of my room has felt like a millisecond.

All that is going through my head right now is my hair. My hair that is at my shoulders. My hair that is such a dark and pretty colour. My hair that I love so much. My hair that I want to keep growing and maybe dye a darker colour.

My hair that I'm about to shave off.

Chemo starts tomorrow. Chemo means no hair.

My mom said something about my doctor needing to stop my cancer from spreading into my nervous system and into my brain.

I need to shave my head.

I stole Dylan's shaver and have been holding it for a millisecond. It's been running for a millisecond. And I've been staring at it for a millisecond.

A millisecond is all I have right now.

My hand, on its own accord, begins shaving my hair off.

I'm at the deepest pit of my mind, watching my hair fall to the ground around me. I'm crouched down and sobbing over the unfairness of this situation as my face emotionlessly watches my head get shaved.

I am numb.

A millisecond passes and my head is shaved. I am completely bald again and I don't feel a thing.

I am numb.

A millisecond passes and I run my shaky hand over my bald head.

I am numb.

A millisecond passes and I smash my mirror with my hands.

I am numb.

A millisecond passes and I let out a strangled sound as I run into my room to find a hat.

I am numb.

A millisecond passes and I knock my furniture down because I can't find a beanie.

I am numb.

A millisecond passes and Dylan runs into my room and hugs me from behind, shouting words that I can't hear as he hold my arms to my chest.

I am numb.

A millisecond passes and I see my dad find my beanie and place it on my head as tears gather in his eyes.

I am numb.

A millisecond passes and I see my dad comforting my seemingly sobbing mother as Dylan places himself in front of me and shakes my body in an attempt to wake me up.

I am numb.

And then everything turns black.

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Dylan's P.O.V 

Seeing not only my twin, but my best friend struggle so much eats away at me. She's all I can ever think and worry about. Sending her on that trip almost broke my parents and I.

Hell I think it did a bit. But I know she needed it. And I know she needed it to end on a better note.

Her panic attack today served to prove my point. Seeing the numb expression on her face and she tore through her room with bloodied arms is an image that will never leave my head.