Her Secret

twenty three | it's a surprise

A/N: Leena is sick in this chapter. Please be advised of throwing up and heavy topics.

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I am currently back at the hospital to get another round of chemo. Unfortunately, it's during the school day so Dylan and Zach couldn't be here. My dad had to go to work, which leaves my mom and I.

It's been awkward to say the least. We've both tried to ignore the giant elephant in the room, which has proven hard to do when the elephant is me.

I've been trying to focus on my computer, but it's hard when my mom is trying not to break down in front of me, and I can't help but feel that it's my fault. I know I didn't choose to have cancer, but she didn't choose this for me either and I'm constantly having to remind myself that this is probably harder for her than it is for me.

"I'm sorry, mom." I croak out when the silence becomes too much. I'm sitting in the recliner chair, but it feels as though the weight of tension in this room is what's holding me down instead of gravity.

My mom who was busy trying to read looks up at me with a look of confusion on her face which makes me continue.

"I know this isn't easy for you either, and I know I've been making it harder." I whisper as I look down to my lap, unable to hold her gaze. "I shouldn't have run off like that, and I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize." She manages to say in a strained voice. I finally look to make eye contact with her and I see nothing but love, worry, and understanding in her gaze.

"Having to watch you go through this is brutal for all of us, but I wouldn't have it any other way." She continues. "You being sick is devastating, and I would do anything to fix it. Knowing that I can't just means I have to be supportive. I know you needed to get away and I'm sorry your father and I never thought to do that, but please don't worry us like that again."

"Please don't have any regrets mom." I plead as I try to blink my tears away, the last thing I want is for my family to think they're not doing a good job. "With all things considered I'm happy, and it has everything to do with you guys, please remember that."

"Don't say it like you're saying goodbye, Leena." She whispers as the tears begin leaking. Seeing my mom cry is never easy, so I try to fix my mistake as thoroughly as possible.

"I'm not saying goodbye." I smile as I try to lighten the situation. "I've gotten used to this cancer thing and I'm not going down without a fight, don't worry."

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About an hour later I was finally finished with chemo for the day and was making my way out of the hospital. It was still just my mom and I, and after our conversation the atmosphere lightened up a bit.

The repercussions of chemo have been kicking in stronger now, which resulted in me throwing up once already. I now sit in the wheelchair as a nurse guides us out of the hospital completely exhausted, the blanket sitting on my knees is moved up to cover my whole body as I decide to cuddle into my chair and fall asleep.

I pull my beanie over my head tighter as I close my eyes and hope for sleep to come. A pair of footsteps threaten to scare my sleep away, but I manage to ignore it until Dylan's voice cuts through.

"Hey, mom." He whispers as he closes in on us. I still have my eyes closed and I don't think I have the energy to open them.

"Hey, Lee." Dylan whispers as he kisses my cheek. I manage to crack an eye open and give him a tired smile. 

I can see how hard seeing me like this is for him, and I wish I could reassure him in some way. But as of now I don't have the energy.

"I'm going to get the car." Mom says as she leaves us in the lobby.

Dylan crouches down to get on my level as he observes me to find out what I need. We've always had this weird twin telepathy thing where we don't need to talk, and even though it's pretty obvious I need some sleep right now, Dylan will see I need a lot more than that.

"We're get you home for a nap, Lee." Dylan whispers as he places his hand on my arm. "And then when you wake up, we've got a surprise for you."

"We've?" I tiredly question with a small smile.

"It's a surprise, Leena." Dylan winks as he stands up to push the wheelchair towards the car and help me get settled in.

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After getting home I sleep for about three hours, making it now 6:00pm. I have just woken up and am trying to push the feeling of nausea down, which I do unsuccessfully. 

Feeling the bile rise in my throat, I lean over my bed to where I know Dylan placed a bin, and throw up liquids. I throw up until my throat feels as though it's on fire, and only when I get to the point of having nothing left in my stomach I am able to stop.

When I'm finally finished I manage to pry myself out of bed and brush my teeth. Once I get the gross taste out of my mouth I make my way downstairs to see what everybody is up to.

"Dr. Weker said if the chemo doesn't work this time, they don't know what else they can do for her, John." My moms devastated voice cuts through, effectively stopping me in my tracks. Nobody ever told me that, and Dr. Weker usually does a good job of keeping me informed. 

"She's strong, honey. Have some faith." My dad reassures and part of me wishes he wouldn't do that. I'm glad he's been a support system for my mom, but part of me wishes they were more prepared for things to go badly.

Knowing that this is my last chance is a reality check I didn't know I needed. I can't help but think I have unfinished business. 

As I'm rooted in the hallway, everything I want to do before I go flashes through my mind. I can't help but feel responsible to make sure everyone I leave behind will be okay. I begin thinking of ways I could somehow help them, and just as I decide to write letters a hand clasps over my eyes.

"Ready for your surprise, Lenny?"

I'm not sure how many more surprises I can take, but the thought of both Zach and Dylan putting this together for me makes my heart flutter and stomach tighten in anticipation.

"Ready."

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A/N

Hello all! I hope you enjoyed, things are going to start speeding up a bit so get ready for some twists and surprises!

I also want to say that my new story "Twelve Steps to Love" is live on my profile now! It's just the very beginning and the rest will be coming as soon as I get some more chapters ready, so please check it out!

Thanks so much and please let me know what you think!