Her Secret

twenty four | be happy

Zach covered my eyes and guided me through my house. The bombshell that was just dropped on me kept me mildly distracted from what this surprise could possibly be and I'm surprised that Zach hadn't noticed.

I pushed the memory of the previous conversation between my parents out of my head and forced myself to focus on the now. Me not getting better was something I thought I had been mentally preparing myself for since I was diagnosed, so why my thoughts being verified has shocked me so much is something I don't understand.

Focusing solely on Zach, I noticed the body heat emanating onto my back, and the way his one hand gently covers my eyes while the other one caresses my hand. I let his presence overwhelm me, I take notice of his scent, his voice as he tells me where to step, and his rough hands that handle me with care.

I heard the sliding door to the backyard open as Zach gently guided me down the steps. Once I hit the bottom of the stairs Zach asked me if I was ready, nodding my head in acceptance Zach slowly removed his hand from my eyes and telling me to open them.

The view I was met with was a beautiful sight. Dylan, Zaina, Daniel, and Noah are all sitting on air mattresses that face a projector screen broadcasting Netflix. Knowing how I was meant to act around my old friends was something I didn't know. I stood in my place, allowing shock to overwhelm me. I turned to each of them hoping I would find the words I should be saying, but I couldn't.

"Now would be the time to say something Leena." Noah says, effectively breaking the silence that was surrounding the backyard.

I tried to mumble a sentence out, which proved to again be a failure.

"We hate what you did." Zaina confesses making my heart tighten in anguish. "But we could never hate you, Leena. And as much as we hate it, we understand." She continues.

All I could do was smile and nod in return, too overwhelmed to say anything else. They all came up to hug me, and it felt as though a piece of myself was finally back in place. I ignored the fact that this might not be permanent, and enjoyed a night with my friends.

Zach kept me cuddled into his side as we binge watched Friends, which at one point simply became background noise as we goofed off until the early hours of the morning.

----

Before I knew it my surprise was over and it was time for me to face reality. I had surprisingly woke up outside still, and wrapped in Zach's arm. I wish I could pay more attention to how amazing it felt, how protected it felt, but a wave of intense sickness hit me and I had to run to the bathroom.

Once I had finished throwing up I sat down beside the toilet, not having the energy to stand back up. Everything that I ignored yesterday hit me full force and I had realized like last night could have been the last night like that I may ever have.

As I'm sitting on the ground with my head in my hands there's a knock on the door, I quietly mumbled out that I needed another minute when the door was opened anyways.

I look up the see Zaina standing over me with a look of concern on her face. Before I could reassure her that I was fine she was handing me a glass of water and sitting down beside me.

"Don't bother, Leena." She sighs out as she slumps against the wall. "I always was able to read you, and I'm sorry I didn't do a better job at it while you were struggling. I was just too mad to see what was going on."

"Don't be sorry." I croak out as I set the water down beside me. "I shouldn't have pushed you guys away."

"Well, you're right about that." She teases as she shoulder bumps me and goes to stand up while giving me a hand and helping me up as well.

Once we leave the bathroom I'm immediately hit with the concerned looks of all of my friends. I send them all a reassuring smile as I excused myself to my bedroom to freshen up for my day and therapist appointment later.

Right as I stepped into the room and began closing the door Zach stepped through and closed it behind the both of us. Before I could ask him what he was doing he beat me to it.

"What's going on, Leena?" He bluntly asked as he crossed his arms in an intimidating manner and assessed me with his striking grey eyes.

"What do you mean?" I dumbly ask. I know what he's referring to but there's no way I could tell him that. It crossed my mind that I was making the same mistake I did with my friends all that time ago, but I couldn't be the one to make his fall when he found out.

"You know what I mean, you've been acting off all night and this morning too. Tell me what's wrong."

"Last night was amazing Zach, I don't know what you want me to say." I persist, knowing he doesn't buy an ounce of my crap.

"I thought we had gotten past this." Zach sadly mumbles, as his grey eyes pierce me with heartbreak. "I can't do this if you're going to keep lying to me."

And with that he turned his back and left before I could even say goodbye.

----

About ten minutes after Zach stormed out, slamming every door he crossed, Dylan came to see me to ask what happened.

"He won't be coming back." I mumble as I try to focus on finding something to wear to my appointment later.

"What the hell? Why not?" Dylan confusedly asks, with worry written all over his face.

"I lied to him and he left." I replied, physically pushing the truth out of my lips. It hurts to know I keep making the same mistakes, but there's nothing I can do to stop myself.

"Dammit, Leena." Dylan growls as he comes and grabs my arms, forcing my attention to leave my dresser and instead focus on him.

"Why do you keep doing this? You were finally back on track."

"No, I wasn't." I say as I roughly pull my arms out of his grip. "I was neglecting the truth, I was living a lie." I spit as I force myself to swallow my reality.

"What are you talking about?" Dylan asks as he runs a hand through his hair.

"I'm not getting better Dylan! This isn't just me being depressed anymore, this is fact! The doctors told mom if this round doesn't work then there's nothing else they can do." I say, yelling at the beginning but my voice dwindled into a whisper by the end of my rant. "This is it, Dyl. And all I can think of when I'm happy is that this won't last."

I look up to meet Dylan's teary eyes. He has tears streaming down his face, his eyes are completely devastated, and it takes a piece of my heart to be able to make it through this conversation.

Dylan strides over to me and pulls me into a bone crushing hug. It should hurt, but all I feel is my twin. We've always been each others strength, but I need him now more than ever. I hear him choke a sob which makes me grab onto his tighter.

"You need to keep fighting, Lee." Dylan whispers into my neck. "It will break me if you leave, but it will be even worse if I see you this broken until you go. Be happy as long as you can, that's all anyone can do. I might die before you do, but you don't see me secluded Leena. Just be happy, please."

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A/N 

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