Hard Candy [Carl Grimes/The Walking Dead]

Riding Solo Pt. II: Carl's POV

I won't lie. I'm missing her. After so long being alone in so many ways for so long, it was just great having someone around who just... gets it. I could never talk to dad, and I doubt he wanted to talk to me. I never feel like a top priority of his anymore. Then again, that's just what Yara's aunt said. Priorities aren't what they were anymore, not by a long shot.

Yara. Why did I have to be such an ass? Everything was perfectly fine up until then. No, scratch that. Everything was perfectly fine until Melly came along. Face it, she's been trying to tear us apart since day one. And it looks like she's finally succeeded.

Then again, that being said, it's not her fault she survived. Truthfully, I'm grateful Yara hasn't lost everything like I pretty much have. True, I still have my sister and dad, but he and I aren't crazy close, and Judith's just a kid. I love her more than life, but I can't have deep conversations with her. Yara's lucky, she has all her relatives. And then I had Yara.

Yara. Why did I have to be such an ass?

I should have listened to her. I should have tried to feel from her perspective. After the cloud of anger and hurt feelings disappeared and I realized I lost her, my mind clicked into gear. I've never been an empathetic person, but I can see why it was such a big deal to her that we couldn't do anything with her strict relatives around.

But now that I think about it, was that really it? It couldn't have been. There had to have been something else, right? I can't think. It hurts to remember, to have to remind myself the huge mistake I made. I lost her. I lost Yara.

Why did I have to be such an ass?

Was it Melly again? Probably. Can I really blame Yara for feeling threatened? No. Never. I should have thought about that, too. What if my cousin showed up out of the blue and instantly took a liking to Yara? Shit would go down, that's for sure. He wouldn't stand a chance. Not because I'm stronger or whatever, but just because I would put up a fight for the girl I love. Yara put up a fight, right? She didn't throw punches, of course, she's not that kind of girl. But just the way she spoke to Melly, with such precision, such carefulness, you couldn't help but listen, and more importantly, take her seriously. Not that Melly was ever completely deterred, but it's obvious she's being more careful. Yara's good at that, being persuasive and, admittedly, manipulative. But in a good way. Good intentions. A good heart. A good girl who just wants to keep what's hers after everything else is gone. How did I not realize this sooner?

Why did I have to be such an ass?

I do have a headache. That was no lie. Thinking about all this for the past two weeks and a couple days has been taking a serious toll on me. I can't sleep. I can barely eat. There's nothing to do, or at least nothing to do that doesn't remind me of her. As for Yara... she seems to be on top of the world. Well, maybe that's an exaggeration. What I mean is, she seems to be taking this whole thing better than I expected. which just makes me feel even worse. Isn't SHE supposed to be the one shriveling up and just giving up on life? After all, I was the one who did the breaking up.

I sit bolt upright. I know now. It wasn't the hands-off rule. It wasn't Melly. It wasn't Yara being a jealous, frigid bitch.

It was me.

It was me and my parade balloon-sized ego all along. Perfect. She was right all along. I think it should be Yara who should be suffering instead of me. It had to be all about me and what I wanted to do. I was too impatient when Yara wanted to talk to me about Melly. And I never did anything when Melly came calling.

But... if I'm going to be honest with myself... I do enjoy the attention. What a dick thing to say, but what can I say? Melly's something else, I won't lie. Sure, she's a total bitch to Yara and is way too forward sometimes. But I do find her confidence and self-assurance really damn sexy. She doesn't let anyone or anything get passed her. She pays attention, and she knows what she wants. Maybe she's the grade-A prototype for the classic airheaded valley girl, but it's hot. And she's all over me.