Hard Candy [Carl Grimes/The Walking Dead]

Surprise

At first I can't even make sense of what I'm seeing. It's like a dream. A nightmare. I can see myself watching the scene, but I can't do anything about it. I can't move, I can't talk. Can I even breathe? I'm even not sure if I'm breathing.

What am I seeing?

Am I actually watching Carl and Melly have sex? Is this actually happening?

But it is. They haven't seen me, but from my view from the doorway, I can see everything and then some. The floorboards beneath my feet squeak, but they still don't look up. Too involved with each other.

Too in love with each other.

The room tilts and spins, and suddenly I'm extremely dizzy and nauseous. I grip my hands on the doorknob to steady myself. My bike helmet that I had looped around my wrist crashes to the floor. Now they're looking up.

"Shit!" They both whisper-shout it at the same time in a panic.

My arms go slack. My whole body goes slack, including my brain. My thoughts go foggy and I can't see straight. I release my grip on the bedframe, and glance at my hands. My knuckles are white. That's how hard I was holding on.

I study the lines on my palm, and realize I'm still wearing the ring. The ring Carl gave to me. It's as shiny and glistening as the day I was given it. Shiny and glistening. So shiny. As if it's covered in water.

Oh wait. It is. I'm crying, and the tears are landing in my hand.

I automatically raise my hands to my face. I don't want them to see me cry. Let them know they've completely tarnished me.

Have they even moved?

I don't want to look at them.

I gingerly lower my hands and see Carl desperately searching for his clothes, which are scattered everywhere, including his shirt and holster which are at my feet. He's clad only in boxers.

Déjà-vu. Even his boxers are the same.

Melly is still perched on the pullout couch, clutching the blanket to her chest. The chest Carl got to see and touch and feel.

Did he do the same things to her as he did to me?

I don't want to think about it.

I look Melly dead in the eye. She looks startled and pale, but not even remotely embarrassed or guilty. She holds my gaze steadily, self-assured. Underneath her surprised expression, she looks almost pleased. As if she planned this. All this. For me to walk in on them and witness the display and be subsequently crushed. All part of her plan. Her successful plan.

I've never hated anyone more in my life.

With extreme difficulty, I swing my tortured eyes to Carl, and almost instantly regret doing so. He looks perfectly humiliated. I almost feel glad, but the pain and sorrow in his eyes tell me before his mouth does how incredibly sorry he is.

But sorry for what? Sorry that he did it, or sorry that I had to see?

He takes a tentative step towards me, wisely keeping his distance, and slowly as well. It's as if he's wading through jello. His cheeks are paler than Melly's, not red, and his eyes are clouded over, but not with anger. He casts a quick glance at Melly, who's smirking away, so pleased and content with her little escapade.

Carl takes another step towards me, but this time I back away, refusing him to come any closer. His face completely crumples. "Yara..." He says quietly. Or does he? Did he actually say my name, or just mouth it? I don't remember hearing him. I don't remember hearing them.