Celeb One- Shots

Kit Harington

Pairing- Kit Harington x Dakota Johnson (AU)
Warning(s) - None

       Two ominous blue lines stared back at her as she sat huddled next to the bathtub on the cold hard tiled floor of her en- suite bathroom. Dakota closed her eyes painfully and willed them to go away. Ten months ago, when it had all started, she would have had to go through the instructions once again to make sure what those lines meant but now she no longer needed to. In fact, in a sad case of irony, she could now tell which brand used which colour to determine the positivity of the situation and this one screamed a big disappointing failure, just like the previous ones.

       Disappointment, dejection, anger swirled together in her heart like a giant tornedo about to rip everything in its way but Dakota sat still and tried to focus on her breathing instead. She needed to stay calm, she needed to stay in control of her wild riding emotions. If not for, for Kit at least.

       Kit had been very laid back and supportive of her through the whole thing but she could see it in his eyes. Over the course of their relationship she had learnt how, no matter what Kit said or tried to show, his deep brown pensive eyes, always gave away his deepest thoughts and feelings. These days every time the topic of having a child of their own came up, which was more often than not and sometimes they even spoke only of that, she could read the despair beginning to gather in his heart behind all those optimism he usually portrayed.

       She wanted to break, she wanted to weep, give in to the despair that has been looming over her head for weeks now but she also wanted to be strong. She wanted to be strong for Kit, if not for herself. With the palm of her hands she swiped away the tears that had leaked and rolled off her pale cheeks.

       She walked back into the bedroom and searched for her phone instantly. Dakota had a few days off before starting off her new project, which she had decided to spend in London with Kit. While this was convenient for Kit and a good change for her, it also meant that she was miles away from her parents, which was a bit annoying since all she really needed right now was to be wrapped in her mama’s comforting and warm hug. There was nothing in this world that gave her as much comfort as her mama’s hug.

       She speed dialled her mom’s number and just at the end of the third ring she heard her mother’s smooth voice effortlessly transmitted across the ocean as if she were here, next to her.

“Hey mama... I hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time.”, she said and then but her lips hard, remembering too late that in her state of mind she hadn’t even thought to stop and check what time it would be in the east coast of the States.

       Melanie shoved all these disquieting thoughts away from Dakota’s mind in a flick by saying, “Sshh... It’s never a bad time for you to call me Mayi and you know that.”

       There it was. Dakota’s bottom lip quivered as she tried hard from the dam breaking open. It was the way her mom had said ‘Mayi’. It was soft, reprimanding even, but it held so much endearment. She wished she could reach out and allow her to hold in her arms. Suddenly Dakota thought if it had been a bad decision to talk to her mother.

“I... It...”, Dakota sighed and tried to push the words past the mass that seemed to be stuck in her throat. She swallowed heavily. It hurt. Closing her eyes she tried again, “Mama it was negative... Again.”

       Her voice wavered at the end put Dakota refused her emotions to reflect in the voice. She knew it was pointless but she had to be strong for Kit, she reminded herself.

“Oh Mayi.”, she heard let out a loud breath and could envision the slight sorrowful shake of her head as she thought about what to say. Dakota bit on her lower lip again, bracing herself for whatever it was her mama was thinking of telling her. But what Melanie asked was something Dakota hadn’t expected at all.

“What did your new gynaecologist have to say about the reports?”, she asked calmly.

“The same thing as the previous one.”, Dakota mumbled as she recollected the enormous number of tests she had put herself through despite everyone’s objection. Kit had been trying for nearly a year now, ten months to be exact, if there was no problem then she should have conceived by now right? Yet all everybody advised was to take it easy, to relax, and to wait, to not worry. But Dakota couldn’t do any of those even if she wanted to.

“Mayi. If the doctors from America and England both agree that there is nothing wrong with either of you then I think you should listen to them. They know what they are saying.”, Melanie sighed tiredly. She hated seeing her daughter put herself through this.

“Then why am I not pregnant? Why do I keep getting disappointed?”, she nearly yelled into the phone. She had not meant to but all the frustration she had shoved into her heart had begun making it’s way back into her veins.

       She heard another sigh and her mother attempting to quell her but she cut her out, “I am sorry mom. Kit’s home. I call you later.” With that she disconnected the call and looked up to see Kit walking into the bedroom.

       He gave her a tired smile which she tries to return but failed miserably. She could see it on his face, in his posture that he had had a really long hard day and cringed a little on the inside. She was about to deliver him another bad news.

       Dakota snapped out of her thoughts when she felt a rather soft and plump lips on her own. Caught in surprise she remained unmoving but soon reciprocated.

       She didn’t reciprocate as well as Kit would have liked. The way she kissed him back told him several things that he didn’t like at all. He pulled away and without saying anything stormed towards their en- suite bathroom. Once inside he locked the door and tore away the clothes. Standing under the cool jets of water he tried his level best to not get angry. It was a really hard day and the last thing he wanted was to confront about things that was beyond mortal control.

       God knew that he wanted to start a family with the love of his life but he also knew that he would have to allow things to happen in it’s own course. After consulting with Dakota’s gynaecologist, another one whom Melanie had recommended and lastly with the gynaecologist that his mother had recommended, who all had to say that nothing was wrong, Kit was sure that they just needed to give it time.

       But Dakota didn’t seem to get this and it hurt him to see her suffer this way. Come every month he would have to witness her getting crushed beneath disappointment, from broken hopes, and turn miserable. Each time he saw her broken it made him feel worse. He absolutely didn’t know how to how to deal with the situation, to help her see that it was alright if it was taking time.

       Pulling a fresh towel from the rack he proceeded to dry himself when he noticed the trash bin in the corner of the bathroom. It was a simple bin, nothing eye- catching but today it seemed to pull his attention simply because of the way it was overstuffed with boxes, threatening to spill out.

       He felt his tense shoulders slouch with weight of knowledge. Dakota had surely had her hopes shattered once again today. As he slowly wrapped the towel around his waist, he watched the door forebodingly. Although he would never dare to give the thought any space in the conscious realm, there was a small part of him that wished he had not come home tonight.

       He pushed open the door and found Dakota seated in the same spot. It seemed like she had not moved a muscle since he went in. Taking in a deep breath to cleanse his mind he headed to the walk in closet. He watched her from the corner of her eye, recognising the broken look on her face. It was more intense than the last time and why not. Each month they failed to conceive it became harder and harder for her to bear the pain of disappointment.

       He walked out and simultaneously raised his hands to wear his t- shirt when he heard her voice. It was filled with so much self- loathing and despondency that it punched his heart hard leaving a void in it’s place.
“I took some tests today. Guess what. I am not pregnant.”, she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

“I saw the boxes in there.”, he cocked his head towards the bathroom but still refused to look at her. He sat on the edge of the bed on the opposite side to where she was seated and picked up his phone. Just when he thought he could end his day he noticed that there were couple of mails that needed his immediate attention.

“Aren’t you going to say something?”, she whispered from across the king size bed and pulled her legs further into her chest. Kit had his back towards her and his nose dug into his phone. Her eyes trailed from his wet hair to his arms to the space between them. A distance was born between them, the realisation of which sent a chilling sensation down her spine.

“What’s there to say darling? We will keep trying.”, he mumbled in a heavy voice.
“Ya. We will keep trying.”, she mumbled lightly, trying little to keep sarcasm away from her voice but nevertheless Kit had heard it but pretended to ignore. No one had raised their voice yet but he could feel a negative atmosphere invade their space and he didn’t want to start a conversation.

       She knew he had heard him and watched him keenly for a reaction but when he gave none she felt the tornedo sell within the fleshy mass of muscle. With every lub and every dub it grew.

“Maybe I am not cut out to be a mother. Maybe this is nature’s way of telling me that I am not fit to carry our--”

“Dakota! Why are you saying all these things?”, Kit exasperated.

“—Kids or care for them.”, she went on ignoring his question, “I think those people out there are right.”

“Would you stop?”, Kit ran a hand through his wet hair and nearly slammed the phone on the bed side table.

“I am just a huge failure. Probably I deserve this.”

“Stop! Alright! Please just stop! This isn’t your fault.”, Kit could feel the heat fill the void in his heart. It hurt, it burnt him. He wanted to see her smile, he wanted to see her laugh, he wanted to hear her chatter away non- stop about her day, he wanted her to make those silly faces at him that always made him laugh and most of all he wanted to see her happy. It hurt him too much to see her wallowing in despair.

       He paced the length of the room trying to think of the right words without losing his temper.

“You know what? You don’t need a loser like me with you.”, Dakota said in a strangled voice.

       He was angry. She could see that. She watched him walk from one end to the other, his face furious. On a good day Kit hated confrontations and today wasn’t even a good day. She knew she was pushing it. The lump in her throat swelled and it pained even more. Her breath became shorter and the tightness in her chest increased.

“What are you saying?”, she noticed that he had stopped pacing and was finally looking at her. His voice was hoarse and it twisted her heart.

“That you deserve to be with someone better than be with a pathetic loser as me.”, the moment the words left she chewed on her lip. A small voice inside of her kept telling her that she was being irrational and although she agreed she couldn’t do anything about it. Her overcoming feelings had overrode rationality.

“Is that what you think?”, his voice had become eerie.

“Yes.”

“So that’s it then? The first trouble you see you want to drop the ball on us?”, he scoffed.

       Dakota pulled her gaze away from Kit’s beautiful face, which held a disbelieving look at the moment, and began playing with her fingers.

“You want the truth right? Well do you have the courage to hear it then?”, he asked, his voice raising with every word.

“Yes.”

“Well then listen to me and I want you to look me in the eye when you are talking.”, he yelled. Dakota flinched but kept her gaze low.

       Kit marched towards her and wrapped his fingers around her cheeks and forced her to look up. Fear and doubt shone through her blue orbs and it made him want to weep. Once they had held so much life and mischief, but all those had been draining slowly in the past few months.

“The fact that you couldn’t conceive in the time frame you have established doesn’t make you a failure but the fact that you are willing to give up on us most definitely makes you one. Think about it Dakota. Do you think I enjoy seeing you like this? We get to see each other hardly and in the time that we do get all we ever discuss is this. We never talk about anything else. Is our love only about that?

“I want to start a family with you as soon as possible and we are trying. It will happen when it has to happen but I also don’t want to spend every waking moment anticipating and worrying about it.

“Have I ever made you feel like I am disappointed in you? Or that I am breaking inside because we haven’t succeeded in getting pregnant yet?”

“No. But I can see it in your eyes.”, her eyes filled with tears and her lips quivered.

“Darling the pain and suffering you see in my eyes are for you and you only. I know that everything is going to be alright. But seeing you like this. I don’t know what to do. I really don’t.”, Kit brushed his thumb against her quivering lips. She looked so fragile and lost and for some reason it made him feel weak.

       Dakota let out a gut wrenching sob before letting her head fall onto his chest. Kit caught her and pulled her into a tight hug. In a matter of seconds he could feel her tears pierce the fabric and seep into his skin.

       For a long time he did nothing but hold her. Minutes passed before she finally calmed down yet continued to hold her against his chest and stroked her dark brown hair soothingly.

“I met mom for lunch.”, Kit finally decided to break the stifling silence. He knew that Dakota breaking down didn’t mean her emotional vows had dissipated magically.

“I know. You told me that you were going to meet her today.”, she mumbled against his chest.

“I did, didn’t I?”, he mused before adding, “She gave us tickets to Aix- les- Bains. What do you say to watching some lake water fowls and raptors? We can also do some water skiing, diving, skinny dipping, kayaking, paddle boating, then we can admire some art at Musée Faure, strolls on the shore of Lac du Bourget, mountain biking and definitely enjoy the thermal baths and the spas.”

       Dakota sniffed and looked up at him. He looked tired but hopeful. Deborah’s ploy was crystal clear. Their latest doctor had suggested a relaxing vacation as one of the solutions for their predicament.

“We will be there for how long?”, she sniffed.

“Three weeks at the most.”, he answered. Dakota chewed on her lip as she contemplated. She looked away and then looked back at her man. His words had helped her rational mind to take over and put things in perspective. She was still anxious but she was no longer desperate. Their relation was much more and couldn’t allow herself to mess it up. She would move mountains and oceans for him if she could to keep him happy. Films schedules were nothing.

“Can you make it four weeks?”, she asked with a small smile and a hint of mischief in her eyes. Kit grinned and that was all the answer she needed.