SUPERMARKET FLOWERS ( t. oikawa )

02 | the new book

future.

broken
hearts
break
hearts.

But she's no longer broken, isn't she?

now.

THE TRAIN LOOKS LIKE A GIANT, SQUARE WORM WRIGGLING STERNLY PAST METAL LINES AND STONE. The windows are clear, showing a perfect view of the scenery passing through the compartments. The scent of the tangerine Mana is unpeeling wafts through the entire compartment but no one other than Mana is present so there is no room for complaint.

The lilac dress she's wearing provides ample skin so it's not too hot even if the window is only half open. She takes a bite of the tangerine and relishes in the delicious combination of sour and sweet.

"You're leaving...?"

She can't bear to look at his face. She doesn't want to see traces of a broken heart and misery. She was once this way and looking at this boy will only tear the band-aids she's put to cover the bruises.

Mana swallows bile and her throat feels raspy as she replies, with trembling lips no less, "I am."

He steps closer to her, but she still looks at the floor as if there's something special going to pop out of it in a matter of seconds. Her knees are quaking and she wonders if she can conquer another demon today. "Why?"

"Because..." Because it hurts me to see you, because it make me second guess my choices and I hate it, because if I see your face one more time, I might surrender and fall in love all over again. "I think it's time for me to leave this all behind."

( Because I'm tired. )
Because I want to be free.

"I want to start anew, Oikawa," she says and she gives herself a mental award for managing to finish the sentence without stammering or her voice breaking.

"Call me Tooru," he says and this time, he is pleading. His eyes are probably stained with tears and he looked like he cried a river. No, an ocean. "You used to call me Tooru."

She clenches her fist, tries her best not shout. She's angry not because of what he's done, but because of what he's doing. It's difficult to move on especially if he's still holding her back. "We're past that."

"I can't believe this." And it takes so much strength to look at his disheveled figure, shaking his head and face incredulous. His eyes are blooming with a thousand flowers of sorrow and she is the one who planted them all. She's tending now and what's more unfortunate is that she's the only one who can get rid of them. She won't. "Where did it go wrong, Mana? Why are you leaving me behind?"

"Everything was wrong," she replies. "We weren't happy. Not anymore. The codependency between us was just suffocating. You hurt me and called it love. I reciprocated your love with insouciance. We were at the point in our lives where we were standing on thin ice. Everything was beginning to shatter and I know that if we stay together, we won't just be drowning anymore. We'll die."

"And it's not just you I'm leaving behind..." she trails off. "I have my friends, Iwaizumi, Tobio. My home, the memories."

"That doesn't make anything better."

She looks up at him, finally meets his eyes. Grey to brown, just like the old times, but subtracted with love and replaced by devastation and dolor. "Do you think I'm not hurting too?"