365 Days

Day Forty

It had officially been one month since the dreaded party and I can honestly say that things between me and the world havent got much better.

I sat down at my lunch table and rested my head onto the table, not meeting the concerned gazes of Kat and Flo. I didnt want to talk about how shit I knew today was going to be, they wouldnt understand anyway. This day is supposed to be full of joy and happiness.

'Whats up bitch?' Kat declared, giving my head a tap as it was still placed firmly on the table.

'hiohs mrph anf fawls Aniwerswry'

'I'm sorry, what was that?' Flo moved her head closer to me attempting catch my muffled words.

I quickly lift my head and gaze at the with fear in my eyes. 'I'ts mine and Pauls 3 month anniversary!' I said louder so that they actually heard me this time.

'Oh.. Im sorry?' Flo looked at me like I was crazy. See, I knew they wouldn't understand why I was so upset about this day.

'Guys! Do you realise what this means? I have to sit and spend all day with him, on my own, alone, no other company, which means we are actually going to have to talk! And you know what happens whenever we talk, we argue and I seriously can't be bothered with him being an arse'. I place my head back on the table.

'Yeah I was wondering what was going on between you and him lately, its like you guys hate being around each other. If it's so bad between you two then why don't you just break up?' Kat protested her hands reaching over and stroking my head softly.

'I don't think either of us want to admit that this relationship went to shit, especially after me losing friends just to be in it. All the effort would have been for nothing and i'm not ready to admit that, neither is he. We are trying to make it work, trying to rekindle the romance, but so far nothing has worked'. I sigh.

'When do you think it will get to the point where you stop trying?' Flo looked at me sternly and I felt like I was having this conversation with my mother, not my best friend. She always had the mothering touch in the group, sometimes it was a blessing and a curse.

I shrug and look down at my hands not wanting to talk about it anymore. At least they understood something as we ate the rest of our lunch in silence.

Later I am sat in the room of my boyfriend, on our 3 month anniversary, trying my hardest to conjure up the best conversation I can come up with. Despite my best effort, Paul doesn't even flash me a glance, not even humouring me by at least pretending to be interested in what I have to say.

He's been this way ever since I made him leave Luke's party last month. I don't even understand what I could have possibly done to piss him off, well, except making him leave when the night was literally just starting. Leaving us to the mortifying moment, being filled in by everyone else the following days of all the amazing and hilarious shit that we missed. Earning me glare after glare from Paul. WHAT?! It's not like I wanted to stay at a party where my boyfriend was chatting up any she-devil he could find, while the other guy of my eye was literally with the queen of she-devils herself. Yeah, great fucking party.

'Are you going to talk to me at all? Or is it just completely pointless me even trying here?' I finally snap Paul out of his gaze from his computer, his eyes turning to me reluctantly. I could see the resistance in his eyes, questions flying at him before I could even stop them, this being the first time I have properly had his full attention since I came in.

'What is wrong with you Paul? You've been acting like this since the party and I honestly don't know what to do about it because I've thought everything through, I can't find a single thing that I have done wrong. So, can you please just tell me what I've done to piss you off so much? Or if I've even done anything at all?' I flinch as my words take me back to the first, and last, conversation me and Luke had on my way home.

Paul sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, looking at me with an expression I hadn't seen from him since he turned a cold shoulder on me. Guilt.

'Yeah, I suppose I have been a bit distant lately, havent i?'

'A bit distant? That's an understatement. You've hardly spoken or even wanted to see me since Lukes party. Im pretty sure the only reason you let me come see you today was because it's our anniversary and you couldn't back out of it. Seriously Paul, I've apologised a million times for making you leave early, pulling you away from your little friend but like I said, I wasn't much in the partying mood'. I throw my arms in the air, exasperated that I'm having to repeat my excuse for the 10 millionth time.

'Oh yeah, and why were you suddenly not in the partying mood? I saw you go into the back garden and then come back looking like you had seen a ghost! And what do you mean my little friend are you seriously gonna play the jealous girlfriend role right now?' Paul glared at me, all the guilt in his eyes fizzling up in his heat of emotion.

'I mean the girl that you basically had thrown all over you! Oh and after your little dig about me and Jay, I'M now suddenly the jealous partner? I went outside for a cigarette and started to feel sick okay? Whats wrong with that?'

'Bullshit! Because 5 seconds later a very miserable looking Luke followed you through the door, so are you going to continue bullshitting to me or are you going to tell me what happened? Quite frankly Paige, Im getting sick of seeing you and him near each other, something just doesn't feel right about it'. Paul pulled a stern look onto his face as I saw him contemplating all sorts of shit in his head.

'Oh my god Paul, seriously? Is this why you've been avoiding me like the fucking Plague? Because you thought something happened between me and Luke? Why didn't you just ask instead of waiting till now when you've already worked yourself up and caused an argument?' I tried to wrap my arms around his neck but he pushed my arms away from him, holding onto my wrists.

'So, if nothing happened between you two then why did you two come from the back garden looking miserable as fuck? Can't be a coincidence' he pushed further.

I sighed and let my head rest on his chest.

'You know Elizabeth? Yeah, the Elizabeth that was madly in love with you and absolutely hates my guts? Yeah, she was there as Lukes date. And before you say anything, no this is not because she was there with Luke. It's because shes trying to worm her way into my life again, I can already feel that she's planning something, I just know it and it's putting me on the edge'. I couldn't tear my eyes from the floor, until Paul's hand found its way under my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes.

'I'm sorry that she makes you feel so nervous. But you don't need to worry about her okay? I chose you, and I chose you because you are the only girl for me, the only girl I ever want or need. I love you Paige, I love you more than I think I should after only 3 months but I don't ever want to feel any other way, about any other girl. Only you. You're my world, my universe, forever and always baby'.

I don't know what it was about Paul, but for some reason I could never bring myself to stay mad at him, he always managed to sweet talk his way out of any situation.

'I love you too Paul, forever and always'.

I feel all my worried fall around me as Paul pulls he into one of his tight embraces, kissing my head and mumbling into my hair about how he is never gonna hurt me. This is where I belong, I shouldn't be crying over Luke when I have everything I could ever need right here, this man loves me and wants to protect me. Why should I rid him of that responsibility because of a small, miniscule feeling inside me that tells me its wrong. I want this, he wants this, so thats how it will stay.