365 Days

Day 228

After all the shit that went down at Luke's party. I haven't been able to face any of my friends, besides Kat and Flo obviously. But anyone who is linked to Paul, I have avoided as best I could. It's not that I hate them, or don't want to see them. It's that I'm embarrassed about what happened, and I also feel like they will hate me. I was brought into their friendship group by Paul, they all accepted me because of Paul. So what am I to them now that me and Paul are no longer an item? Am I just a stranger? I can't bring myself to go find the answer, so avoiding them is the next best thing, for now.

Luke is the only person I have really confided in. He's been there for me through it all and I couldn't be happier. Every second that I spend with him, I can feel my heart warming to his presence more and more, to the point of where I feel empty when he isn't around. My feelings are growing with each passing day, I might explode if I don't let them out to SOMEONE! But I can't, I don't know if he feels the same way AND what if it completely ruins our friendship. We have worked too hard at this to ruin it with one little crush. Okay, it might be more than a little crush but he doesn't need to know that. We are basically best friends now, and thats probably the only way he will ever see me. I mean, he practically hated me when we first met, so he clearly isn't going to develop feelings for me over that short-period of time.

We are currently sat on the field, in our usual spot, just talking about random shit. We haven't really spoke about the whole Paul and Elizabeth situation, which is a bit strange since it's the whole reason we have become so close in the first place. Obviously he knows where I stand with Paul, I hate that son of a bitch, but I've never really asked him about how he feels towards Elizabeth. I mean, the girl did cheat on him with his best friend and stamp all over his heart, i've just been too caught up in my own drama to focus on him.

'So, how do you feel about what Elizabeth did? I mean, do you hate her now or.?' I sneak a glance towards Luke and see his face stiffen a little bit. I put my hand on his shoulder and give him a sympathetic look.

'Just tell me to shut up if you don't want to talk about it' I mumble.

'No, don't worry about it. I have actually been thinking about this a lot and it would be nice to get it off my chest' he looks almost nervous, but I just give him a comforting smile, silently asking him to continue.

'Okay, well. As much of a bitch Elizabeth could be at times, she wasn't actually a bad person. When we were alone she was sweet and caring and funny. I miss that part of her, I feel like Paul manipulated her and she ran because he was her childhood crush. She knew she made a mistake, that's why she told me. I spoke to her a few nights after my party and she told me how much she missed me, how much she regretted what she did. I'm actually thinking of giving her another chance.'

I felt my heart crumble. Like, literally shatter and crash onto the floor. But did I show him that? Nope.

'That's great! You should, follow your heart and all that soppy shit' I laugh along with Luke, trying my hardest not to let the tears fall. What did I think was going to happen? He was going to automatically know about my feelings for him and confess his undying love for me? How the fuck is he supposed to know how I feel if I don't tell him? But I don't know want to tell him, because especially now, he clearly doesn't feel the same way.

'You sure you don't think it would be weird, we are pretty close now so even if me and Elizabeth become a couple, I am not abandoning you! I just don't want you to shy away from me because of what happened between her and Paul'

'What? you think I would leave your side because you're in a relationship with the girl who ruined my high school life, relationship and majority of my friendships?!? Pffffttt it's going to take a lot more than a troll with tit..sorry, it will take a lot more than her to get rid of me. You're stuck with me now as that annoying best friend that never leaves you alone' I laugh and nudge his shoulder. Luke pulls me into a side hug and I rest my head on his shoulder as we sit and watch the world go by. One thing I know for sure, even if I can't have him in my life in a romantic way, I am more than willing to keep him as a friend, I just need him there.