365 Days

Day 145

It was Valentines Day. My first Valentines Day with Paul.

Believe it or not, Paul has been good the past few weeks. Ever since Lukes New Years party, he hasn't done anything that would otherwise be normal Paul behaviour. It has been nice, to have my boyfriend back the way he used to be. Well, sort of. There is something different in his attitude, it's almost like he is trying his hardest to be nice to me, instead of it just coming naturally. I do tend to overlook things sometimes, so maybe this is just my head sending me stupid, unrealistic ideas.

I spoke to Luke just after his party, we agreed that we should probably keep our friendship civil for Pauls sake, it's the least we could do to calm his head after he was so sweet to me about my worries on Elizabeth. We are turning over a new leaf this year, this year will be different. I refuse to let my life spiral into oblivion just because of some misunderstandings. If I do what Paul wants, then i'll most likely earn back his trust and he'll at least let me have a bit more freedom. Yeah, I said he was nicer. I never said that his hold on me was any looser.

These past few weeks have really opened my eyes to Paul and our relationship. He clearly isn't the monster I once began thinking he was. He is just a boy, afraid of losing the love of his life. Just as I am afraid of losing him. I feel the need to do something to show him how important he is to me, how I am adamant that he is going to be by my side for the rest of my life, that he is the only man for me. And what better way to show him that, then to give him the most precious thing a person could ever give to someone they loved, especially on the most romantic day of the year.

I was at home getting ready for the date that Paul had so generously arranged for us. A nice meal, a movie and then back to his to watch crappy TV, eat crappy food and relax. At least that is what he thought.

I had it all planned out. I had spoken to my mum about it beforehand, out of respect. Despite being unhappy with the idea, she understood that this was important to me and decided to take me to get the Pill, and a shit ton of condoms to go with it. I had bought nice, mature matching underwear that would make me feel a lot more confident that I actually am. What is it with the power matching undies hold? They give you more confidence than any person ever could.

I was looking at my outfit in the mirror. A cute, red skater dress with some black ballet pumps to match my shoulder bag. I felt cute in the outfit alone, but with the matching red, lacy bra and brazillian style underwear, I felt on fire. I was ready for this, this is exactly the way to show Paul how in love with him I actually am, how trusting I am that he is my one and only, forever. Words don't do love justice anymore, it's all about the actions.

I hear a knock on the door and quickly race down to answer it before my dad could get to it first and completely mortify Paul. My mother obviously didn't tell him about what I had planned this evening, because knowing my father, he would lock me in my room until I was 40, letting me out only for special occasions.

'Hey baby, you look amazing! Ready to go beautiful?' Paul was dressed in black jeans, a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and a thin black tie. A combination I had always told him would look amazing on him, the fact that he remembered and decided to give me my desires today of all days, melted my heart and sent my head spinning.

'Hey, thanks you don't look too bad yourself. Sure, let's get going' I shout a quick goodbye to my parents before closing the door and looping my arms through his.

'So are you going to tell me where we are going yet?'

'Haha nope, it's a surprise I told you. Don't worry, I know you'll love it' he smirked at me and tightened his grasp on my hand.

When the car stopped, I realised that we weren't at a restaurant. In fact, we were in the middle of nowhere, a field with a giant screen in the middle of it. That's when I noticed other cars pulling in next to us, soon the field was crowded with cars and people sitting around. A drive-in movie, something I have always wanted to do, he remembered that too.

'I knew you've always wanted to go to one of these things, so I spent days looking around trying to find anything I could. Even if I had to drive for hours, I wanted to give you the perfect day. I love you so much Paige' I almost crumbled at his words. I kissed him tenderly, but soon enough the kiss turned passionate. I pulled away when I heard the movie start. The Notebook, a classic.

Once the movie was over, I looked towards Paul. I had felt his eyes on me the entire movie, I don't even think he watched at least 10 minutes of it, all his attention was on me. I slowly bit my lip as I realised what was going to be the next stage of the night. We threw away the wrappers of the food that Paul had brought with him for us to eat, and made our way back to his house.

'Did you enjoy the night?' Paul asked as we entered his room. I sat on the edge of his bed, all of a sudden feeling nervous about being in his room, knowing what was going to happen, but this is what I wanted. I was ready for this, and with that, all the fear washed away.

'I loved it Paul, really I did. You're seriously the most amazing guy that I have ever been blessed to know. You give me so much, show me constantly how much I mean to you and it only makes me fall in love with you more and more. I don't know how you manage to sweep me off my feet, still to this day' I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer to me.

'I do it because I want you to know constantly how much you mean to me. I know I can be a pain in the arse sometimes, but I need you to know that I'm never doing it to hurt you. I do it because I am so terrified to lose you that it drives me insane' he looks down at his feet, I can see how ashamed he is of the way he has been and how much he regrets it.

'I know you're scared Paul, I have been trying to think of a way that I can show you how much you mean to me, and how i am in this thing for the long run, not just temporarily. After weeks of thinking and pulling my hair out, I have finally found the perfect gift to give you, and on the perfect day.' I lean up and kiss his neck gently, hoping that he understands where I am coming from.

When I look up at his face, his eyes are full of desire but also full of fear.

'Really? And what might that be?' his voice a mere whisper.

I turn around and pull my hair to the slide. He understands what I am hinting at and slowly pulls the zipper of my dress down until it falls around my ankles. I suck in all of the fear that had been building up and repeat to myself that this is what I want. I hear Paul suck in a breath as I turn around again, facing him and showing him my new underwear. His eyes drop to my feet and then back up to my eyes, a shade darker than they originally are.

I wrap my arms around his neck once more, and plant a soft kiss on his lips.

'Me. All of me' I whisper. Before I have time to react he hoists me up into his arms and throws me onto the bed.

'You're sure, you know I will wait until you're ready Paige. I don't want you to feel forced into anything' he mumbled shakily, and I can hear the nervous tone of his voice.

I pull his head up with my hands so he is looking into my eyes.

'I promise, this is what I want. I want to show you how much you mean to me Paul. I want you to have all of me' I kiss him softly, and once again it turns hungry and passionate we connected that night in a way I have never connected with someone before.

And just like that, in one night, I was his mentally, and now physically.