The Home Run

Chapter 1

6 years ago today was the worst day of my life. The day I lost my baby girl. The day I will never forget. They say with time all wounds heal but this doesn't. Every year I think about what could've been. How my daughter would've looked. What theme her birthday party would be. Where she'd go to school. What her favorite color would be. What her favorite subject would be. All of the what if's come rushing back. What if I never went out that night. What if I didn't try to change the radio station. What if I knew I was pregnant beforehand.

"We have a trauma coming in! ETA 5 minuets" Dr. Walker, an attending general surgeonn told me as he walked towards the emergency room. I quickly tried to push all of the thoughts from my head as I followed Dr. Walker. He is an older man, around late 50s with grey hair and brown eyes. I helped the nurses get ready for the incoming patient. "Hey Anastasia do you know what we're getting?" My fellow resident Diana asked as she jumped into action to help. We met our first day at the hospital and we immediately hit it off. "No, Dr. walker only said it was a trauma. I have no idea what's about to come through those doors" I replied just as the emergency room doors opened revealing the paramedics pushing a stretcher into the hospital. "What do we have?" Dr. Walker asked Tracy, the paramedic with dark drown hair. "the patient is a 27 year old male, he has possible broken ribs and a minor pneumothorax." she quickly told Dr. Walker "ok, thanks. Hey there Im Dr. Walker can you tell me your name?" the sweet old guy asked as everyone quickly pushed past me and into a trauma bay. "this one is all yours, i have an aneurysm on the fourth floor. Have fun!" Diana smiled as she turned around and walked away. I made my way into the room and I stopped as soon as I saw the patient. "I need a chest tray and an extra set of hands over here" Dr. walker announced. I snapped out of it and grabbed the materials and put on gloves to help. "Anastasia?" He asked as the nurses were cutting off his jersey. "See one do one, you've seen one. Now it's time to do one" Dr. walker told me. "Ok alex you're going to feel a pinch and some pressure, let me know if you feel anything else" I told him as I numbed the area. I took a deep breath and exhaled before I made a small incision. "This is going to hurt" I warned him as I grabbed the clamp attached to the tube. I shoved it into his lung and he took a deep breath. "Good job now suture it in place" Dr. walker told me. I did as he instructed. I turned around to throw my gloves in the trash when a hand gripped mine. I turned around and saw it was alex. "Stazie, I can't believe it's really you" he told me. I almost started crying on the spot but I pushed my emotions down and pulled my hand away and cleaned up. "Excuse me" I told the nurses as I walked out of the room. I walked as fast as I could away from him. Why of all days does it have to be today? I thought. I walked into the stairwell and grabbed onto the rails and started crying. "Dr. Clark what was that?" Dr. Walker asked as he walked in after me. "Are you ok?" He quickly asked "I can't be his doctor" I told him "why not? Doctors can't choose their patients" he replied "today's the day I lost my baby 6 years ago. He was the father. I can't treat that patient. I'm sorry Dr. Walker" I told him as I whipped my tears. "I'm sorry Dr. Clark but all of the other residents are already on cases." He told me "that's fine. Where do you need him? X-ray I'm guessing?" I asked as I got up slightly annoyed for no reason. "Take a break. Come back in an hour when you've calmed down" he told me. "No I'm fine." I replied "I'll be fine" I corrected myself "take him to X-ray then take a break" he told me and I nodded. I walked back to Alex's room, taking deep breaths and whipping my tears away.

When I got to his room I saw how hurt he was. "Alex what happened to you?" I asked, my voice cracking in the process. "Line drive to the ribs, plus it didn't help that I went after the guy and hit him a few times" he replied "why would you do that?" I asked as my heart started hurting. I helped him into a wheelchair and started walking towards radiology. "Today's not a good day" he replied and grabbed his side. This shocked me so much I stopped walking. "I was there you know. I came to the hospital and sat in the waiting room with jack while Madison and Brooklyn were with you. I even went to her funeral, but I stayed away from everyone." He told me "why didn't you come see me" I asked as tears started to form again. "I wanted to. I really did. I was broken and they kept telling me you didn't want me to show up. So I tried to stay away, but I couldn't. I even got into a fight with jack because he literally guarded your room like he was your bodyguard" he told me. I felt a tear fall and I quickly whipped it away. "Do you ever wonder what she would've been like?" He asked softly "everyday" I told him and a few more tears fell. When we got to radiology I let the radiologist do their thing while I tried to calm down. I pulled out my phone and texted my mom.

Me: today's harder than normal
Mom: I know honey but she's still with you. She's looking down from heaven and watching her amazing mother
Me: He's here. He's making everything so much harder. I've cried so much today, I don't know if I have any tears left.
Mom: who?
Me: alex
Mom: why is he there?
Me: I shouldn't have said that. I hate HIPAA
Mom: do you want me to come?
Me: no I think I'll be fine
Mom: I'm just down the street if you need anything
Me: thanks

"Dr. Clark he's all done" one of the radiologist told me. I put my phone away and walked to where he was. "That didn't take as long as I thought" alex said as I started pushing him back to the emergency room. "I accidentally told my mom you're here" I blurted out "that's fine." He replied. Then neither of us spoke.

When we got back to the room I held him back onto the bed and I turned around to leave. "Can we please talk?" He asked softly and I nodded. I sat down in the chair and stared at the floor. "How are you?" He asked "I've been better" I told him and he nodded. "I'm really sorry" he told me and I felt the tears about to fall again. "I should have never left and I should've been there with you through that. I mean actually there for you. Not sitting in some fucking waiting room." He said "Alex can we please not talk about this?" I asked "I'm not ready. Not today" I told him and he nodded understanding.

A few minutes past before either of us spoke up. "Are you dating anyone?" He asked "no. Are you?" I asked "no. I mean I've tried but I couldn't." He told me "I can't even get a second date. Guys just want sex and I almost have a panic attack every time I see a mans dick" I told him. He smiled but quickly covered it up. "I've slept with a couple girls. I was drunk most of the time, but it was definitely not more than 3 girls" he told me "you drink again?" I asked surprised "I've been trying to stop but it's worse. The night I heard you were in the accident I tried to get a flight but I couldn't so I went to the store and bought way too many bottles" he told me "I know I'm an idiot, but that's the only thing I knew would help" he sighed softly and looked at me with tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorry. I know you're disappointed, I can tell. I just didn't know what to do. I fucked up once again. I always do" he said as a few years fell. I immediately stood up and walked over to him. "Please don't cry" I told him as I started crying. He reached an arm around my waist and pulled me into a hug. It felt so good to see him again. Even if we were crying. I moved closer and leaned my head on his shoulder. He hissed in pain and I tried to move away but he only held me tighter. "please stay?" he asked and i nodded. I wrapped my arms around him carefully and held him close. No matter how hurt i am, i still love him.