Fusion || Luke Hemmings

17

  

Chapter 17

Alexis’ P.O.V

I didn’t really know what came across my mind to make me only stand there while Luke was grabbing my arms and being rude as always. I couldn’t even move a single bone or respond to him angrily just like I used to. I was still so shocked, so damn disgusted with what had just happened, I guess I was so damagingly scared and lost inside my own mind. Although, I wasn’t so sure if that was the reason which kept me from trying to get rid of Luke’s hands and just run away just like I was doing before he held me. I kinda felt something, something different from the other times, something weirdly different. Luke had never made me scared, I wasn’t afraid of him, all he did to me was making me mad, angry and entirely frustrated. Yes, he hurt me a lot, physically and sometimes even inside but he had never hurt me as much as Dylan did, he had never abused me, he had never made me feel so disgusted with myself. I couldn’t even describe what I actually felt when he suddenly grabbed my arms with so much strength like he usually did but then he just eased it when looking into my so scared face. Anyways, it didn’t matter, not at that moment or ever.

I slowly opened my house’s door and without even making sure there was nobody home I ran upstairs. I was feeling entirely disgusted and like I needed a million of baths to take away the dirtiness that guy had left on me. I took my backpack from my back throwing it violently to the floor and went all the way to my bathroom. I quickly took off my clothes and made my way to the shower. Slowly opening the tap and feeling the half hot, half cold water falling above my skin, I let out the tears which were begging to be realized for a couple of moments. What the hell had just happened to me? Why me? Why did I needed to be so messed up? Why did my life needed to be that way? And why did I had nobody I could count on? I had Ashton but it was like I really didn’t since my dad entirely ordered me to stay away from him, which of course I didn’t planed on doing. But still… I was lonely even though I had my father and my twin, I never felt like I could count on them with my personal stuff, my feelings and the way I usually saw the world. Guess it didn’t mattered anymore, I was already too lost, I was already too messed up. Of course I wasn’t so messed up like I was once, some time ago which lead to the fucking scar I had on my neck. I wasn’t even sure anymore, I wasn’t sure of anything more, all I was sure was that somehow I was useless in that freaking world.

One last tear fell when I finally focused on the most awful thing which made me ran to go and take that bath. I suddenly caught myself going back in time and repeating that scene million times in my head. It was like I was feeling those dirtiest hands on my skin again and all I could do was to throw up, I finally let out what was holding onto me since that guy licked the lobe of my ear. I puke all the shit I ate and it wasn’t that much but I couldn’t just stop puking. I was so disgusted, so horribly shocked and offended with every single thing he said and did. I couldn’t tell anyone about it though, I couldn’t tell people what happened to me, I was too embarrassed for that, I was feeling too dirty and weak to do that. And I was scared, I was scared of what he could do me, to my father, to my family.

I swear I spent some good two hours showering in between some throwing up and loads of tears which couldn’t stop falling from my unhappy eyes. I would always look at my left arm and seeing that freaking bruise there would only remind me of how weak I was and I couldn’t stand it, I couldn’t freaking handle it. I needed to do something, I freaking needed to do something with my life.

“Alexis! Are you in there?!” I heard some knocks on the bathroom’s door and my father’s voice. Weird, what was he doing home at that time? He should be at the surf’s school and just come home at night.

“Yeah…yes dad!” I tried to sound sober and fine so he wouldn’t question me after “It was too hot so I decided to take a shower.” I affirmed cleaning my throat.