Don't fear it //Jim Moriarty//

[04]

Jim's Point Of View

I still don't understand why y/n wants to be my friend. All it's going to do is ruin her life, yet she chooses to stay. Why? I'll end up hurting her, like I hurt everyone. But this time I'm going to care. I'll care if I hurt her. I care about her.

I haven't always been fucked up. I can remember being younger, and happy. And then people happened to me. My parents, people at school, even people I didn't know. They ended up getting to me. Thats the reason I'm like this.

"You've gotta have something you're good at!" Y/n tells me. She was talking about things we want to do, and stuff like that.

Manipulation. Lying. Murder. They're the things I'm good at, but I don't think she'd be happy with me if I said that. I'm not good at anything else. I guess I can fake emotions. I can fake cry. I can get what I want. But they're not good personality traits. And I guess they don't really help.

"I'm not good at anything." I half lie. What I mean is I'm not good at anything good.

"Everyone's good at something."

"Well I'm not!"

"You're good at making me smile. That's gotta count for something, right?"

"I guess." It kind of counts. I feel better about myself whenever I see her smile. She makes me feel so much better. She cares about me.

I'm scared I'll end up manipulating her. I'm scared I'll hurt her, or make her hate me. I don't want that to happen. I actually want her to like me. I've never been bothered if anyone likes me, and now she's here I'm trying so hard to keep her as my friend.

"Have you ever done anything illegal?" ,She asks out of the blue. I don't know how to answer. She'll be scared of me if I tell her the cold hard truth. I'm not going to lie to her, I'm just not going to give her the whole truth.

"Yes." I answer.

"Is it fun?"

"It's a distraction. Something to do. Or the only choice."

"I want to do something bad." She smiles. "Show my family that I'm not just some stupid little girl. I just want them to feel as if they don't know me anymore."

"You gotta think about it before you do anything. You need to be one hundred percent sure before you do anything like that." I mindlessly reach out to my gun, running my fingers over the cold metal. She's talking about committing a crime, and now I have a need to do it. It's like an addiction.

"I've been thinking. I want to do it." She says.

I want to change her mind, yet I don't. I could change her mind if I wanted to that badly. I don't want her to do anything stupid, but I want someone to be stupid with. I want to have fun with her. I'm torn between going along with it or telling her it's a bad idea. I feel like if I let her, I'm doing it more for myself than her. Yet if I don't, that's also going to be for me. She needs to make her choice herself. I'm not going to change her mind. If she decides to do it, I'll go along with it. If not, then I'll just go and commit a petty crime on my own.

"You definitely want to do it?" I ask.

"Yes. I don't know what, though. Just something big enough that everyone will be shocked, but not big enough that we get arrested."

"I have an idea." I say, standing up. I'm not going to tell her until we're almost there. I don't want her to back down now. So we start walking towards my parents house. They should be in, which will make this so much better. I just need to get into the house and get the other gun. We won't use them, but they're there for the thrill. I'm just hoping she finds this fun. I'm hoping she will want to do this with me again. I want to know- why do I even care so much?