Don't fear it //Jim Moriarty//

[05]

Your Point Of View

You were so caught up in acting like you were the badass main character in a movie, that you weren't even thinking about what you were doing. You had only said it as a joke, but then he kissed you. And you'd kissed him back. But now you just kissed him back, it was awkward. You shouldn't have even thought about it, but the adrenaline was pumping through your veins, giving you such a rush that you couldn't tell right from wrong. You were so caught up in all of it.

"Let's never do that again!" You laughed, trying to get rid of the awkward feeling. Jim laughed and agreed, but you knew he felt awkward too. You didn't want to ruin this friendship, but you liked the feeling of his chapped lips on yours. You liked the way he kissed you, with his awkward smile and eyes shut. You liked it, and you hated yourself. You'd known him for two days. Two days, and you'd kissed him. Why couldn't you stop thinking about it?

Jim was laughing, but you could tell he was lost in his thoughts. You felt bad, you'd basically played around with him. What if he wanted to do it again? What would you do if he did it again? You'd probably kiss him back to save him the humiliation, but how far would it go? How far could it go?

Scared. That was the emotion on Jim's face. He looks so scared suddenly. He looked so broken. You could just tell how much he was hurting, and how much he just needed to be cared about.

The smile on your face was replaced with a frown. You looked him in the eyes, trying to figure him out. It broke you inside to see him like this. He was scared and alone. A scared kid, who'd been through so much hate and neglect he didn't remember what love was like.

"Jim? You okay?" You asked.

That's when he broke down, slamming his hands on the steering wheel. He looked away from you, unplugging his seatbelt and climbing into the backseat of the car. You didn't know what to do. You weren't sure whether to climb into the back and hug him, or give him space. You were quiet. The world felt silent, apart from Jim's quiet sobbing from the back seat.

You decided to climb over to the back as well. You put your arm around his shoulders and pulled him to you, letting him lay against you. It broke your heart to watch. He went to hug you, then pulled himself away from you, throwing himself against the door.

"You can talk to me. Calm down, being like this isn't going to help." You tried to comfort him.

"So what is going to help?" He screamed at you. You wondered where this came from. He was fine a few minutes ago, but after you kissed he'd become like this.

"Is this because of what happened?" You asked. "Because I was being stupid."

"It's not because of that!" He seemed angry, but you could see past it. You could see that he wasn't angry. He was scared, but trying to play it off as anger. He wouldn't let you help him, you couldn't hold him, or even touch him. There was nothing you could do. You'd just have to let him calm down on his own. You knew if you touched him he'd push you away.

"Jim, calm down. It's okay..."

"It's not okay!" He screamed at you, pulling the gun out of his jeans. Your eyes widened in fear. He put the gun in his mouth, holding the trigger lightly.

"Don't you fucking dare!" You screamed back at him.

"Why not!?"

"Because I care about you!"

"Why should you care about me! I've done some fucked up things! You'd hate me if you knew! You'd think I'm just some psychopath! You'd think I'm an evil bastard!"

"We can talk about it." You said calmly. He shrugged, but you could see it in his eyes that he didn't have the energy to fight anymore. You gently put your hand on the gun, lowering it slowly and putting it on the front seat. You then put your arms around him again. His body felt smaller against you, even though he was taller than you. He was nervous, you could tell by his body language.