Don't fear it //Jim Moriarty//

[06]

Jim's Point Of View

I wake up with the worst headache, a note from Sebastian, and no new texts from y/n. She's either not made up her mind, or she wants nothing to do with me. It's most likely to be the latter. I pick up the note and read the two words; I'm upstairs. I would go up there, but I don't want to move. The hangover is too bad.

I hear keys in the front door and groan to myself. My parents walk in, taking one look at me and instantly kicking off.

"What the fuck have you done?" Mum screams at me. "Those were expensive!"

"Classic. You care more about your alcohol than me."

"It was valuable!"

"And I'm not?"

"You're fucking worthless!"

I stand up, ignoring the sudden urge to throw up and stumble upstairs. Sebastian is sitting on my bed, head in his hands. He's holding one of my t-shirts. I feel bad for him. I probably hurt him last night. He should know that I didn't mean whatever I did. I probably said something stupid to him, maybe about his parents. He heard that whole situation downstairs as well.

"Seb?" I ask, my voice quiet. He looks up at me, his face red and tear stained. Guilt. I feel guilty. "What did I do? And don't say nothing, because I know it was my fault. It's always me."

"You didn't do anything." He lies.

"If you're lying to me..."

"Yes, I'm lying to you. Because sometimes lying is better than telling the truth. I don't want to tell you."

"Tell me." I say, kneeling down in front of him. I play it nice, like it's going to be okay if he tells me. Like it'll make him feel better, even though it won't. I'm only playing it like this to get what I want from him, which is the truth. I want to know what I did.

"I-I didn't want to tell you, but I'm in love with you. That's the reason I wasn't talking to you. I was ignoring you so the feeling would go away. You kissed me last night. And you fell asleep on my lap. And I told you that I loved you, because I knew you wouldn't remember it. I'm so angry at myself for falling for this. And I told you how I'm always the one to put back the pieces after something happens."

I stare at him. He loves me. That's fucking pathetic. It's stupid, why would he love me? All I've ever done for him is taken the blame. But maybe, I can mess around with him. Maybe I can get with him to make y/n see what she's missing. Maybe- no. I shouldn't do that. I shouldn't play with his feelings just to help myself.

"I'm sorry." I mumble. "Find someone better."

"I know I can never have you." He says, turning away from me. "It hurts. I'd do anything for you, and you know it. I was the only one who didn't push you away after what you did to Carl."

"What I did?" I shout. "It wasn't only me! It was you as well! So shut your fucking mouth!"

"I only helped because I thought you'd love me if I did!"

"That's pretty stupid!"

"Well there's an u and I in stupid!"

"Be a good boy and go home." I snarl.

"You don't own me!"

"If you love me you'll do anything for me. I want you to go."

"I shouldn't have come here!" He growls. He stands up and grabs me by the wrist. He walks to my bedroom door, with me tripping over from the way he's dragging me. He drags me down the stairs, right past my parents and out to his car. He pushes me into the passenger seat, getting in and locking the doors. I've never been scared of him until this moment.