poisoned

my fault

The funeral was over and the .guys were sleeping at my house. We just got back home, it was 12am. I went to my dad's before I came home. They all planned to sleep in the living room, but I told them that I was going to sleep in my room. It was 1:30am. Jin came in my room and couple times, asking me if I was hungry, or If i wanted something to drink, but I said no. The other members came too, keeping me company and all. But, Yoongi hasn't come in my room yet. And just as I said that, he came in my room. He knocked on my room door and came in. He sat on the chair next to my bed. "Hey Y/N, feeling alright?" He asked me. "Yea..." I lied. I'm not feeling ok. I spoke in a low tone, but Yoongi sensed something in my voice, he knew exactly I was not ok. "I know your lying to me" I didn't say anything. "Yea out want to talk about it?" Yoongi asked. I didn't say anything for awhile, then I sighed and finally spoke. "I'm not ok... I feel..." words couldn't come out of my mouth. Yoongi pat my back, the I continued. "I'm feel... poisoned..." I said.
"I felt so trapped all my life, and when I think I'm free... everything just feels..." I didn't know what to say anymore. Yoongi hugged me, then spoke. "Can i tell you something?" I looked at him. "Did you know that I had a sister?" He smiling. I never saw his smile before. His smile is adorable. I shook my head, then he continued. "Yea, I did... but.." I could sense that he was on easy. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to" I said, but he just shook his head. "No, I want to tell you" he took a second, then continued speaking. "She died a couple years ago..... because of me...." He started tearing up. I hugged him tightly. I can tell this subject was hard for him. We realised the hug, then he continued to speak. "Our dad abused us a lot... since we were kids... our mom died while giving birth to my sister. One day I just about had enough of him, hurting me and my sister. I didn't care if he hurts me... but I don't want to see him hurt my sister. I put gas in the house... while he was alseep... I took my sister outside.. then went back in, I took a lighter.... then started the fire... I went back out, but my sister wasn't there.. she went back I side... to get her doll.... she was 4 years old... and I killed her" I hugged him tightly again. He was crying at this piont. We stayed like this for awhile. Then he spoke again. "She would be 9 right know... if I didn't kill her.." I took both of his cheeks, and looked him in his eyes "it is not your fault Yoongi. You understand me? It is not your fault. It was never and never will be, your fault. Ok?" He didn't say anything. "Do you understand me?" He once again didn't say anything. "Min Yoongi. Do you you understand me?." He nodded his head, then on took him in my embrace again. "It's not your fault" I whispered once more. He started crying again. (Yoongi's flashback) "YOU COOK WHEN I ASK YOU TO COOK!! YOU GOT IT!!?!" My father was hitting and kicking me. He stopped when he saw his lighter on the ground. "Did your sister do this?" He said pointing To the lighter that was on the ground. I shook my head "DON'T LIE TO ME!!" he kicked me one more time then walked off yelling. "WHERE IS THAT SISTER OF YOURS!!??!?" I got up and ran over to my dad. "DAD!!" He looked at me, and just then my sister came out of her room. He was about to hit her, but I got in the way, so he hit me, and i ended up on the cold, hard floor "you can hit me, but NOT my sister" I said while looking at him. He mumbled, but I heard him. "Pathetic" he then walked away. (Few hours later) my dad was alseep, so was my sister. I walked in his room, and just started at him. I then walked out into the garage, I took gas, then back to my dad's room. I put the gas on the floor. I got out, and qent to my sister's room I picked her up then got out of the house "where are we going?" She asked me as I got out the house "nowhere, just stay here, ok?" I put her on the sidewalk. I went towards the house again, I looked back at my sister, she was smiling, and standing there, so innocently. I walked into the house, up the stairs, and into my dad's room. I took the lighter that was on my dad's side table. I flicked the switch, then threw it on the gas. I ran out and i heard my dad waking up. I ran out the house, into the front yard.. but she wasn't there. I looked back at the already flaming house. I heard my sister screaming and crying my name. "YOONGI!! YOONGI!! YOONGI HELP!!!" I wanted to run back in, but to late... the house was already up in flames. I went on my kne, crying. The neighborhood all came to the scene, and called the ambulance. I looked around.. she didn't have her doll.. I gave her a doll... and she went back in to get it... it's all my fault.... it's my fault..... (Present) (Yoongi pov) I woke up panicking, I was breathing really hard, which caused Y/N to wake up to. "Yoongi? It's ok, it was just I nightmare" Y/N calmed me down. I started crying once again. I went into Y/N embrace, and just sobbed. It's because of me my sister died.. I deserve to die.. it's my fault.
(To be continued)