Masked Facade

Chapter 16: Control

Alice's (Raelyn) POV

Six years ago...

Every time I watch people walk in front of me, one strong aspect would strike my mind. Secrets. Be it a woman in formal attire or a handsome guy brushing off his charm on every random girl, be it a household lady with a kid holding her pinky finger for protection or an old aged grandpa, on outside they all appeared perfect but from inside they were being dampened by the intensity of their secrets.

Maybe I did sound judgmental, but I wasn't a hypocrite. Denying my actions wasn't a trait of mine but when someone scratches down my guard to reveal my secrets to every other living creatures whom I consider nonexistent, then maybe I wouldn't stick to my best practices of staying at bay.

Because not a single soul knew what my life was actually made of and if anyone did know then it were only bits of truth and I had no intentions of letting anyone have the pleasure of being aware of every damn ugly thing. Well, my mom did know about me but after she made her absence pretty much clear to me; I had been struggling every night with an attempt to overcome my fears in a subtle way by burying my secrets.

And that was the reason why I'd been avoiding Thea's confrontation since I knew she sensed what I'd been up to. Or it might be just me having an illusion of over thinking stuff. But one thing was certain as of that moment when all I wanted to do was get the hell away from that mall.

Poking may be just an action when it comes to someone who was doing it. But that someone who experiences its impact in return had to suppress every urge to throttle that stupid and idiot person for making every minute as unbearable as possible.

Either that or you could actually commit suicide to get rid of the torture. But just because that person bears the title of being a best friend for life, I had to restrain my efforts. Also I didn't want to get myself into prison at such a young age.

You may be wondering why I was being a bitch without actually being one. The reason was I felt disappointment and sadness, both at the same time.

Expectation was the soul origin for those two expressions. The capability of ruining a long lasted relationship mixed with the ability to build a damn gap between those two people made rise to the Satan aka expectation, an evil monster.

I felt sad because I expected that the birthday present I gave to Thea would make her happy. At least I didn't think I would be trapped by her rage from one end and accusation from the other. And disappointed because I wanted to do everything to avoid recognizing my unfulfilled hopes and expectations. Also because it's a profound way of experiencing sadness.

Long story short, I got that I might have crossed my boundaries but I did everything for Thea to overcome her heart break. Because I knew what a void felt like. It could never be fulfilled by that someone or it could by that special someone. And I was sure that half of the school knew how Thea and Jeremy felt for each other.

"Alice, talk to me!"

No response. Not that she didn't deserve my wrath but I just wanted to spare my energy to use it somewhere very productive.

"I apologize for the way I reacted."

Just silence. Oh yeah, she deserved this.

"I know that the words I said would be impossible for me to take back but it is not just about me. And even you know that."

On the verge of losing myself, I kept switching between aisle to aisle in search of a perfect dress for some ball to which Jeremy had asked her out. I may act as a jerk but I wasn't a heartless human being because for one thing, a selfish organ of mine was thumping against my rib-cage.