Masked Facade

Chapter 19: No strings attached

Ryan's POV

"You despise her. She isn't worth it."

That was what my mind kept on chanting like a mantra when it felt that I shifted a bit from my intentions. A chunk of cowardice blocked the flow of blood in the vein whose destination was my brain when I shoved its words away like a lost, irrelevant case.

Truth to be told, I wasn't oblivious to the outcome of my concern towards her. Sooner or later, reality would kick me in my gut like a solid truth. It seemed as if I was ready to face it. I wanted to face its wrath. Because if doing so brought me, even a millimeter, closer to being in her life, then I did not had any care risking myself. Loss would be expected in the end but I kind of appreciated the loss since I tried. I would lose but never regret.

"Don't touch me!"

My insides flinched when she nearly growled, for a minute scaring the shit out of me. Her eyes yelled at me to withdraw my hand but I was damn sure she felt it when I did so at first. She welcomed my warmth. She allowed me for a heart beat before jumping back to her adamant self.

Though her mouth demanded me to put distance between the two of us, her big fat tears sought someone close. They craved to be pampered, took care of. She was tired and I wasn't in any mood to leave her on her own at this condition. If she wanted to pretend as Raelyn then fine by me until she crosses the hurdle, if it meant me being by her side.

"You're not weak." Still securing her face within my palms, I tried to present her with a sense of familiarity. Her eyes shifted uncomfortably from the gravity of my words.

"I don't want-"

"My help." I finished whatever she started, acknowledging the fact that I knew her way too much for my own good. "I ain't helping here." I finished with a shake of my head.

An unexpected shudder washed over her when I caressed her now half moist half dry cheek. Fighting the smile that was eager to make its presence on my face, I cleared my throat and sat on my knees, thus completely blocking her from everyone around us.

I felt the heat of her gaze when she looked directly in my eyes like she'd never see them again. Gathering my thoughts and formulating them into perfect words, I glided my hands from her face to her shoulders and then finally settling them on her folded knees as I interviewed my fingers with hers.

"I'm just stating the fact." I started, my voice weighed with heavy thickness of emotion that I almost didn't recognize it. "You're brave enough to cry in front of me. Remember how you vowed to never shed tears? That they are precious and only deserving people would be able to witness them." Though I promised her to never force her into being Alice, I never said I wouldn't dig old memories.

A sigh of defeat fell off her lips when she absentmindedly started drawing patterns at the back of my hand. This time I didn't resist the curve on my lips at that gesture. She felt comfortable with me in this position. She always felt it whenever I used to crowd her space only to never let anyone invade them. She was a masterpiece in hiding her emotions, her pain.

"Well, I did witness them but they are for your kids. If you think you became weak to your bone just by sobbing in front of me accidentally," I said while straining the word 'accidentally', "then you're wrong. You worry for your kids and are becoming restless of the black cloud looming over you like a villain."

The moment I said the last word, she shook her head in disagreement to something while her eyes wanted me to give her whatever I was feeding her senses.

"You don't give me reasons to feel and stay calm, Ryan, if that's what you're trying to imply by your act."

My body voluntarily stiffened when she declared that I was lying to her face. I could only take so much venom she spat at me. Though I wanted to let go of her and step away from her same old self, I wanted to fight for her. I wanted to chase her because in the past, I chose to give up just to feel safe and satiated. I was determined to never travel down that path.