The Wild Ones

Twins?

I stared into space with my head on the pillow, thinking about Josh. This was eating me alive like a parasite. Bianca came and set her head next to mine, “Baby stop thinking about it”

“I can’t, Portilla. You act like you weren’t around when I did all those things to him. The boy couldn’t stand me because of what I did to him and to top it off I pointed a gun to his face. I feel like shit, Bianca”

“No, you’re not shit. There are people out in the world who has done way worse than you have. Hell, some of them are in jail for it right now. It’s not like you killed him or made him commit suicide”

“I was about to that other night, and he was about to after it all went down”

“But he didn’t” she said, stroking my curls. I loved when she did that. It felt good and it always calmed me down, “And Josh liked you, he just thought you tried too hard, which you did”

“How do you know?” I asked

“Whenever you weren’t around he’d always talk to me. He felt like if he tried, you’d get mad”

“Thanks, Bianca. Now I really feel like shit”

She kissed on the cheek, “No, I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. All I’m saying is that Josh is a very forgiving person. I bet he forgave you days after that little incident the other night”

“I don’t believe you”

“Puff ball, after all the shit you put him through, the boy didn’t have a single problem with you. Josh was a good person. He was crazy, but he didn’t believe in mean or bad people, he just believed that those kind of people were misunderstood. He believed that people had a reason to act the way to do and he never gave them a hard time about it. He just let it flow in the wind with the rest of their everyday struggles. And I think even after pointing a gun at him, he understood why you did it, that’s probably why he didn’t look as scared as most people would. He didn’t know if you were really going to pull the trigger or not, but he wasn’t going to argue with it”

“How do you know?”

“Because I’m his ex. I know everything there is to know about him” she rolled me over on my back, “Stop feeling sorry. He’s most likely in a better place now, you at least have to be happy about that” she said optimistically. “I don’t want a depressed boyfriend, I want a happy one” I smiled at her and sat up, “I didn’t show you these because I thought it was kind of corny, but I write poems and I wrote a few for you. I think one wasn’t finished, but I thought it was enough. You could read them if you want”

“Yeah, sure” I went in my drawer and pulled out my book, “Here they are” I handed them to her and watched her read them, “You like them?”

She starting smiling, “Yeah, Puff ball. May I keep them?”

“Yes you may, pretty lady” 

She folded them and put them in her bra. I gave her a confused look, “Won’t it get sweaty in there and cause the ink the smear?"

"Oh! Right" She took it out and put it in her back pocket.

I scoped every inch of Bianca, wondering how was I lucky enough to have someone like her in my life out of all the bullshit I've been through. She's full of life, happiness, curiosity, beauty and everything else. Then there's me. I'm full of negativity, self hatred, attitude, and I'm just down right ugly on the inside. At least that's how I feel at the moment. She brightens every bad situation in my life. She's like that little upside to life when you think you don't have much to live for.

Looking at her right now makes me want to show her the surprise that I have for her, but I can't. Craig told me to wait until he gets his straight for Christian. I hope it's soon. I can barely take all of the waiting. I'm about to break.