everlasting friendship | elysten

9 | Will you remember?

September 9, 2025

Dear Elyssa,
This book is filled with the experiences I went through Elyssa, please remember me as much as you can. I love you,

"Elyssa?" I walked to your bed you were asleep snoring softly, your breathing uneven.

I decided to sit down next to your bed, I was crying. I was crying a lot.

I missed you so much, I missed your smile so much. Why couldn't you stay the same as you were? Why did it have to change?

Our memories together, with each day you forget them. Remember we made a promise?

The day you were diagnosed with alzheimer's disease. We made a promise that we will stay together through this long journey, even if your illness is incurable we stayed the same.

But then you changed.

Your demeanor changed you were always mad, you threw things, smashed the photo frame of me and you. You were so infuriated that you couldn't remember when we took that. Your eyes, they were filled with tears from anger.

I calmed you down as I always did you softened up and hugged me so tenderly as if it would be your last hug.

Day by day you grew sadder, tears fell from your eyes almost every day. And I was there to witness everything Elyssa. I was hurt, I was so scared.

Depression. Another symptom.

I used the same method on calming you down but one day when I saw you crying I gave a half smile and patted your head pulling you in my arms once again.

But instead of calming down

You asked me

"Who are you?"

I was appalled, I didn't think this day would come when you forget who I was, to forget all the memories we had. In just a matter of months it ended to this.

I froze and I became dizzy, I stood up mumbling the same words.

"No. No. You can't do this to me.. YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!!!"

Ever since then I too suffered from depression, I cried every night. All I thought about was you. Nothing else but you.

You are my world and you still are. Maybe I was being selfish but all I wanted was for you to know who I was, to remember how valuable our friendship was. To remember me.

But even as I prayed and prayed, nothing happened. You still stared into the TV.

Asking the same question again and again.

"Am I.. supposed to know you? What are you doing here?"

It always made me break in tears even if I responded the best I can, for your sake.

"No one. No one special, I just.. I don't want you to be lonely."

I was aware you shatter everytime you realize you forget something, you always scream in such agony as if a thousand knives hit your heart.

I refrained from introducing who I really was in your life. I wanted you to see my as no one, I didn't want you to feel bad.

And to do that, you had to forget me. The total opposite of what I desired.

So now I sat by you every day calling out your name so atleast you can remember your own name. But even that is not working, you do not respond when I call your precious name.

I held your small hand caressing it, why was it so cold? I held your other hand trying to warm them up with my own.

I looked after you closely when you sleep. The only time when you are the same to the Elyssa I knew.

I watched you watch the television as well. It's quite funny because whenever "princess" is mentioned your lips would twitch as if you would remember something and was about to smile, but you forget what it was about, the smile eventually faltering.

I miss you so much.

You're in the hospital right now you fainted because you couldn't eat, you forgot to.

I'm sorry I wasn't there, I was getting you groceries and I forgot you couldn't eat on your own. I'm really sorry.

It broke my heart to see you in such a condition. I didn't want you to suffer anymore, but what could I do?

I didn't want you to die that's absurd. But I also wanted to end your suffering. If I just agreed to it would be easier. But I dont want to let go.

You're losing a lot of brain cells and your two legs cannot function anymore. What should I do? All I am doing is crying, warm tears spilling out of my eyes until they run out.

I think I'm going crazy, I talk to you while you're asleep.

Telling you all the memories we had, but then I realize that you aren't even awake. Do you hear me in your dreams?

You keep on losing control of your body, and it's probably best to end it right now. But I don't want to, am I being too selfish? Don't you want to rest? Why am I being like this?

I find myself telling you the same stories every night when you are asleep. I couldn't just let you go.

The doctor just told me that you passed away. But I didn't believe him I yelled at him and told him to stop lying.

I screamed and I cried and cried, everything was falling apart.

I shook him and he tried to calm me down but it didn't work, instead I stopped by myself realizing what I've been doing and I fell on my knees.

I was begging the doctor to bring you back,

"I need her please"

I knew that it was not possible, but even then I begged, I prayed to the God that it isn't real. I wanted to see you breathing, staring into space but breathing.

"Please show me to her, show my princess to me!"

He led me to you, you were laying down so peacefully, but you were so pale Elyssa. I broke down infront of you, I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry.

Please come back to me Elyssa, I'm sorry for all my mistakes. Please.. just please come back to me.

Black flashed before me and I fell to the ground.

I woke up in a hospital bed, of course.

I have to get to Elyssa, she must be sleeping.

I thought that. Can you believe I forgot that you were gone? It pained me when everything striked me it's as if I was stabbed multiple times in my heart.

Happy Anniversary! Hah.. It's funny because we're both passing away on our own anniversary.

There was no purpose in life anymore. I don't want to go on. It seems maybe I should just end it here, a day after you end it.

We started it together, so let's end it together?

I'm sorry Elyssa, I know you wouldn't want this. I know you would've wanted me to live the best life right now. But I do not think it is possible.

With you gone, a whole piece inside my heart is missing.

Will I meet you in another life?

Will you remember?

Because I will always remember.

I love you,

So goodbye.

Sincerely,
Kirsten, your best friend.