Diary of a clumsy but sensitive person

small text for huge depressive phase.

Despair and disappointment. First lesson in three weeks and all I can see in my teacher's eyes is despair and disappointment. Let's say that it's not really encouraging for my moral and mental health...

Starting everything I don't like again... Loneliness and lessons is not really enough to keep me going. I feel and I am late in every single topic I am supposed to study. My mind is more fucked than my schedule. Nothing's organised. I don't know how to organise my life, my thoughts, my time, everything is messy as fuck.

The amount of things I got to do is absolutely overwhelming but they're all necessary. I can't cut out anything, my time table and my priorities and a complete mess. Now I'm on my own so I'll have to take the time to organise things a bit. But I'd first need to get my mind aside and focus on priorities I'd really need to 'sort myself out'.

I feel neutral again, I wanna stop being and feeling this way. I want to be motivated, I want to be able to concentrate even on something I don't like. I want to understand things and use them as an HSP can do. We use our previous experiences to know how to react to a specific situation. This is why I feel so lost. Everything is new and uncomfortable, I never wanted that many things to all happens in the last years or months of my life. Adaptation is not my best skill. I just try my best and it's not giving me any kind of pride or even recognition.

Whenever I write I just feel like I'm running in circle and always saying the same thing. I'm basically complaining all the time but it's an urge for me to let everything out. I NEED to say something.

Most of the time I don't even know what to say. I guess I just have to keep talking to hear myself again. I need to find myself, I need to be able to say every day 'today, I knew what I was doing, why and what for'.

I'm lost people.