Diary of a clumsy but sensitive person

Updates.

5/04/2018

It has been a while I didn't write anything down. A lot of things happened and I got way too much overstimulated. I felt happy during something like two weeks because I was happy to stop everything and leave, go and do something else. That made me happy for a few days. Then my whole family called and got me to stay in this shithole with my depressive brain because 'you can't give up so close to the end without even trying'. But it kind of was ok at that point 'cause I got myself a guitar and I was excited so there were less space for depression at this moment.

Then my love came down to visit me for two weeks and it made me reach this funny feeling of mental peace. Everything was just appeasing. The feeling a fulfilment is one that I really like .And my love make me complete. But he's leaving tomorrow. And I don't want him to leave and he doesn't want to leave so now depression is taking over my mind again and everything is whether sad or neutral.

I finished a book, started to play the guitar again, and about to start the driving license. It sounds lovely but on the other hand I have to stay here, I don't control my mind, I keep on trying and keep on failing, I'm about to be on my own for months and my only piece of peace is going tomorrow. It is very hard to keep going without crying several times a day.

Two weeks to go until spring break. Then I'll be able to find myself a bit more. Hopefully. I'll be on my own for 3 weeks without any possibility to go anywhere, just me in this lonely apartment with my guitar and Highway Code theory books.

I have exams for the course as well. But trying to make huge efforts is disappointing for what you get in return. I'll probably spend some time over some class notes without any conviction or motivation at all. I'm probably going to rest in bed most of the day in front of series and movies.

I have a wish. I truly wish that this break is going to help me through myself. I need to find myself again and go through it all. As safe as I can for as long as I can.