By Any Other Name

Chapter 13

"I didn't think you'd be coming any longer," Levi said from beside me on the wagon seat once the children had all gone into church.

I'd stuck it out and gone to church the week following my encounter with Mr. Snedeker, deciding that one vile man wouldn't drive me away. But after I knew what the people thought of me, I'd decided that the whispering and sidelong looks were too much to take. It was one thing when it was just one man that I wanted to avoid. It was entirely different when the whole congregation seemed just as prejudiced and hypocritical.

I'd skipped church for several weeks afterward, choosing instead to worship God alone in my room. It had been unfulfilling though. There was just something about meeting together with other believers - singing the songs together, listening to the sermon together, praying together - that I craved. Even when the sermons were dry and the people didn't behave very Christian. Any church was better than no church.

It was just difficult to make myself actually go inside.

"I didn't think I would either," I admitted. "But I need it."

Levi nodded in understanding and waited patiently for me to make the break.

"Where do you go?" I asked, suddenly remembering our first trip to church when I'd assumed he spent his day at the saloon.

Obviously my assumption had been wrong, but Levi had faithfully gone somewhere every week at this time. I'd gathered that he did actually believe in God, but like Minnie, he chose not to attend church. While I understood the desire to stay away from this particular place, he didn't have the same motivation that Minnie did.

He sighed and reluctantly said, "I go to church."

Curiously, I looked at him. "There's another church?" Why hadn't he mentioned that before now?

"Not exactly..." he said. "It's not a building with a steeple and a bell and hymn books. I meant it more in the biblical sense - a group of believers who get together on Sundays to worship God."

I didn't care one whit if it was held in a cave. It had to be better than this.

"Could I come with you?" I asked.

Levi hesitated and I got the impression that he didn't want me to join him. Which was strange.

After I'd slipped away from him at our picnic, he'd been a bit more subdued for the rest of the day, but after that, he'd returned to his genial self. He had also returned to the flirtatious mannerisms that he'd apparently adopted the day of the picnic, dropping subtle hints and a few not-so-subtle hints that he would like our friendship to progress into something much deeper.

It was getting to the point that I knew I would have to talk to him soon and I dreaded the prospect. The longer I knew Levi, the less I wanted to distance myself from him.

What would my life be like if I'd met him before Charles?

But Levi certainly never attempted to push me away before, and so his reaction to my question was very odd.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea," he said after a lengthy silence.

"Why?"

"It's sort of....exclusive," he said.

An exclusive church? I watched him, baffled.

"I'm not sure they'd appreciate me bringing someone new without telling them first."

Something told me that was an excuse and I couldn't fathom why he would feel the need to keep me away or to lie about his motivation for doing so. But I suppose he had allowed me to keep my secrets and it was only fair to allow him his.