A Guide To Love: Stucky One Shots

TILL THE END OF THE LINE

NOTES: AU where Steve and Bucky are civilians who have no superpowers.

WARNINGS: Strong language, mention of suicide, mention of self harm, mention of PTSD, mention of addiction, mention of depression, lot of angst and a very long one shot. Like really long. Some reference to religion, religious beliefs and religious books.

The cyclic ticking of the clock is a mock in itself, but it's the time it shows that makes him want to bow his head in shame. His boyfriend should've been home hours back, but Bucky's learnt to ignore the lateness. But ignorance doesn't mean he's learned to handle it, it just means he's convinced himself not to go mad over it and lose the one thing he loves.

This has been routine for the last couple of months. Steve returns late from work, doesn't meet Bucky's eyes when he eats and sleeps at one corner of their king sized bed. Bucky tries his hardest to ask questions, say something witty, to just make Steve look at him, but so far he's accomplished nothing. Maybe that's an exaggeration, he's accomplished somethings: pain, heartbreak and an overwhelming sense of doom.

He knows what this means, has known for sometime now. But he can't bring himself to think about it, much less to say it out loud. He cannot let go of this, cannot think about a life without Steve, can't think of himself without his love for Steve. He's heard people say that they love somebody with everything they have, but he never knew what it meant till he met Steve six years back. Now he can also say that he loves Steve Rogers with eveything he has: mind, body and soul.

It's just that he worries maybe Steve doesn't feel the same anymore. He fears Steve may never feel the same anymore. He fears that one day Steve may not walk in that door to the place they both call home.

The opening and closing of the front door pulls him out of his overwhelming thoughts. Steve returned, he's not gone from Bucky's life, he's come back home. The thoughts make Bucky exhale a breath he didn't realise he was holding, and he turns around to greet his love.

Before he can utter a single syllable, Steve motions for him to be quiet. Bucky takes a step back unwittingly and following Steve's actions, takes a seat on the couch.

"Bucky," Steve begins and the brunette cannot help but notice the frigid cold way in which he utters his name. The warmth Bucky used to feel listening to Steve say his name is gone and what is left behind is a eerie sense of routine.

" I've been cheating on you." Steve finishes blankly, his face devoid of emotion and Bucky freezes in his seat. He stares at his boyfriend, the tears clouding his eyes making the sight a little blurry and bites his trembling lips.

"Please tell me it's a joke Steve. It's not true, it can't be true." He pleads while shaking his head vehemently but Steve remains cold and impassive. He addresses Bucky with a nonchalant look and waves his hands dismissively.

"It's the truth. And one I know you suspected. So why's this coming as a shock to you?" He snaps coldly and Bucky flinches. He swallows dryly and nods. He knew this was coming and he would've confronted Steve about it weeks back, but he was a pussy, a spineless idiot. He preferred living with a cheating boyfriend than without one and the mere thought of his acceptance makes him wanna throw up, makes him hate himself. But he accepted it, turned a blind eye, hoping that one day it would stop and Steve would return as his own. But there is no such luck.

"Why is this coming as a surprise to me? Because nobody expects their boyfriend to cheat on them Steve! Nobody wants to be cheated on, maybe that's why." He would've shouted, screamed the words at Steve, but all that comes out is a whisper. A pleading, whining, pathetic whisper.

Steve gets up from the couch and walks out of the room into the kitchen. Bucky doesn't look up at him, lost in his own thoughts, wondering what he did wrong, why everything they had went to shit.