Just you wait~ Lams AU

Chapter 11: The Book

John's POV

His writing was neat but small, making me squint through my blurry eyes to make it out.

If you are reading this without my permission, please don't.

I chuckled slightly at this.

It was my twelfth birthday today. My mom got me loads of cool things like a new playing ball and some writing pens. She said that dad's present is on its way, but I know she's lying. I hear her crying sometimes at night. I wish I knew how to make it stop but I don't understand how.
It's the 11th January. Tomorrow me and James will go out for a game of football with my presents. It is going to be really fun! I wish papa was here to play too, but mom says he isn't going to be back for a little while. James and I just got jobs working at the port to help out, and my arms are aching from hauling the sugar bags. I'll write another day diary, wait up for me!

I smiled and ran my fingers over the signature at the bottom. Enthralled, I turned the page. It was dated two days later.

13th January
I had a good day today, me, mom and James walked across to the river and ate our lunch. We played in the water as mom stayed by us, taking pictures and smiling. I've never seen her smile so much!

I knew it was an invasion of privacy, but I just kept reading.

17th January
Mom wasn't well today. We went on a walk after work and she kept getting breathless and tired. She had a cough, but the doctors said it was just a chest infection. James and me have taken a day off tomorrow to look after her.

18th
My head feels a little spinny so I won't write much. Mom is getting worse but hopefully it's the dark before the dawn. It's probably just a cold that I caught too. Talk soon!

25th
I can't write anymore, so James is writing for me. I'm to tired. He'll probably spell everything wrong because he's a dummy. I can see all of St Croix from our hill. I made mom sit up earlier so she could see it too. She said we can go play out when she gets better.

30th
James again. Alex says it hurts to breathe and he lost his voice a long time ago. Him and my mother are curled up together, quarantined in her room. It's probably best that I don't go in. I'll just see them in a day or two when they get better and keep them stocked up on food like I have been.

31st
James: Alex is plummeting rapidly. Starting to worry. Keep you updated.

There were no more pieces of writing until March 1st. It was back to the neat cursive of Hamilton's hand writing, but there were blotches where tears had fallen and smudged the ink.

March 1st
Our mother died on the 19th February. I was in her arms, her last breath ghosting across my hair. As her eyes lost their light she breathed out and whispered.
"I love you, my son. Take care of your brother. You are strong and smart and braver than you will ever know. I could not be prouder. The worlds going to know your name." And she fell.
I remember, half delirious, I had grabbed at her shoulders. It hurt. It hurt so much. I was shaking her and shaking her and screaming at the pain to stop. Wake up, I told her, again and again. Wake up.

But she didn't.

Me and James sat and cried for hours. A strange numbness filled us. We didn't know what to do.

When you step back and look at it, the world is so scary. It's a crushing sense of insignificance that tumbles down on you when you realise you have nobody but your brother. We were in this empty house with the corpse of our mother in the next room, listening for breaths that would never come again.

I'm not old enough to be wise yet, but I know one thing for certain. You have to show the people you love what they mean to you. Because it comes to this moment, and every bad word you have ever said comes rushing back to you and suddenly the world tilts and everything is thrown into perspective.

Life is too short. You will never achieve every single thing you dream of.
But you can damn well try.

I scrubbed the tears from my face and laughed quietly. Placing the book back into its protective cover, I began to make my way out of the cave and back through the woods.

When I arrived back outside the dorms, I saw the lights from Herc and Laf's room on. It was around midnight, so I knew something was off even before I got to outside their door.

My dorm was a floor below theirs, so pressed my ear to the door for a futile minute and made my way downstairs.