John's POV
His lips tasted of rain. Of the night air. Of trees and grass and moonlight and clear summer winds and him. I was leaning over him slightly, pushing him back against the seat. One of my arms was against his chest, my eyes closed. I could feel his soft lips, slightly parted, against my own. I suddenly realised that I must taste of tears. And that my lips were chapped as hell.
There was a moment where neither of us moved. He was shocked and I was savouring the taste. Then he reached a hand up to my waist, tangling the other in my hair and pulling me closer. I wrapped my arms around his slim hips and dragged him onto my lap in the drivers seat. He panted softly as I pulled away, blushing harshly. He looked terrified.
"Alex?" I asked lowly. He jumped, wincing. I smiled softly, running my hand through his damp hair.
"Can I kiss you again?"
His eyes shot up to meet mine and before he could say anything, I connected our lips again. I could feel a disbelieving smile against my lips as I ran my tongue against his lower lip.
Suddenly, I hated the top I was wearing. I wanted to be as close to him as possible. As I reached for the hem of my shirt, I felt Alex stiffen. His spine went rigid. With a small sigh, I dropped my hands to his hips instead of my shirt. He spent a moment guiltily looking to one side, avoiding my eyes, before he exhaled softly.
"So... um..." he started, grasping for words. His hair was clinging to the sides of his blushing face slightly, and he was still on my lap. I grinned mischievously and snaked both of my arms around his waist, pulling him flush against me. He laughed, the sweet sound muffled as his face was smushed into my shoulder.
"John?" He mumbled against my neck.
"Hm?"
"I need to get back to my dorm."
I stayed silent, closing my eyes and putting one hand on the back of his neck to pull him even closer.
"John." He mumbled again, the vibrations dancing along the curve of my neck.
"Alex." I replied.
"John, stop messing about. I have work to do." I inhaled the smell of his hair and smiled. He pushed himself off me, glaring (adorably).
"Fine! Fine. I'll drive you back to your stupid dorm." I rolled my eyes with a huff. When he was safely settled into his seat, I set off down the road.
The drive back silent at first. I kept sneaking glances at him every two minutes. It was like a floodgate had been opened and any time I had hurt him before had evaporated from existence. He kept his gaze out of the window for the first few minutes, before turning to me. He blushed when he saw that I'd already been looking at him and he dropped his eyes submissively. I reached for the radio and flicked it on to dispel some of the tension (sexual and otherwise) from the air.
We arrived on campus about quarter of an hour later. I saw Alex frown a little bit and my heart beat a little faster.
He turned to me with a determined face and focused his eyes on the gearstick to avoid my eyes.
"John, I, um, I think that that was cool and all but we can't do that again. You've treated me like shit for a very long time and I just don't think this will work."
I felt my veins turn to ice and a lump formed in my throat. I swallowed a few times.
"Oh."
He smiled sadly and turned away, opening the car door and heading out into the rain.
He took two steps, before turning back and knocking on the window. I reluctantly rolled it down, numb.
"I really do like you, John. You're a really strong guy."
He smiled once more, and I felt my beating heart rise close to the vortex of my throat. His figure moved away, swallowed up by the sheets of falling water pouring from the night sky.
I rolled the window up.
I was staring straight ahead, through the windscreen. I wasn't seeing though. It was like kissing Alex all over again, only this time I was watching myself sitting in a rainstorm, pathetically pining after an impossible target.
I got out of the car rapidly, slamming the door with all my strength. I locked it with a click of my key and took off running. I ran for about half an hour, barely feeling the ache of my exhausted feet or the slap of needles of rain stabbing my skin. I finally realised where I was going when I heard the babble of water over the rain.
A swollen river came into my eyeline, through a crowd of trees. I slowed to a walk, pathetic and desperate tears falling down my face. I followed the bridge over it and carried on along the muddy bank until I reached a tumbling waterfall.
In the moonlight, the silky water was shining a deep silver. It wasn't a huge waterfall, barely twenty metres high. However, in my early years at the university, I had come to love this place. I found the overgrown track immediately, following it to the edge of the falls. I made a short jump and suddenly felt at peace.
Behind the waterfall, entrance hidden by bracken, an untouched cavern sat in hibernation. It was reasonably deep, reaching about six metres back behind the waterfall. The sheet of water falling in front of it sprayed me as I sat down on the damp floor.
I just cried. Sobs racked through my body, tears streaming down my face mingling with the spray of the falls. I let out a feeble cry and lay back on the wet stone. I cracked my head harshly against the rock but I just knew I deserved it, so I let the bite spread throughout my skull.
In the shadow, beneath the arched stone, it was freezing cold. I dragged my way further back and deeper into the cave. As I was shuffling along the floor, my knee bumped against something unfamiliar. The object skittered across the stone and in the dark I made out a flash of silver.
Cautiously reaching for it, my fingers brushed against a sheet of plastic. I reached into my damp pocket and pulled out my phone, tears forgotten (for now). As my flashlight flicked on, my eyes rested on the thing under my trembling hand. Wrapped in sandwich bag was a crinkled, brown leather journal with writing scrawled across the spine.
Property of Alexander Hamilton
The words leaped out at me in the harsh silver of his phone torch. I smiled softly and crawled further away from the spray of the falls.
At the back of the cave, I found a reasonably dry spot. I settled myself, wiping the last tears from my face, and pulled the book out of its bag.
As I opened it, the worn pages sent up a musty, comforting smell. I inhaled deeply, and began to read.
YOU ARE READING
Just you wait~ Lams AU
RomanceHe just wants to be cared for. He wants to be fixed. He wants him. He needs him. But sometimes, the one you'd take a bullet for is the one behind the trigger. //trigger warnings: self harm, eating disorders, suicide and bullying. Also lots of death...
