Who Would Have Guessed?(Austlan Cashby)

I'm Not Okay. - Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Alan’s P.O.V.

“A-A-Austin.” I could feel my voice failing at making a comprehensible sentence. My hands started to shake, and my stomach flipped in circles. “What?” He held my arms, and looked me in the eye. “The guys are gonna be here soon. We can’t do this.” I shook my head nervously. “Why not Alan?” he groaned. I started to get the feeling that Austin was only using me as a makeout tool, but I quickly got rid of that thought, and responded to him. “I’m not comfortable with it yet. Especially when I know that any of the three guys could show up at any given time. Later. I promise.” I hugged him.

“Sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable. I just always have the urge to kiss you, cuddle you, or just be with you, and sometimes it’s overwhelming.” he apologizes, and lets go of me. “I’m gonna go do something until you get out.” I left a kiss on his cheek, and left the bathroom. I felt the same way towards Austin, but I wasn’t as comfortable with it. Judging by the way he acted around me, he had been with guys previously. Whereas I had yet to be with a guy besides Austin, and all my past relationships were with bitchy females. It made me slightly awkward when I was around a gentlemanly guy, who cared so much.

I made my way into the kitchen, and scavenged the fridge for something to eat. I settled on a Mtn. Dew, and went into the living. The doorbell rang seconds after I sat down. I lazily stood up, and answered it. It was Phil and Tino. Phil had his guitar, which made me happy. Playing music was one of the few things that could actually calm me down. Austin was supposed to be one of those things, but at that moment, he had only been stressing me out more. “Come in guys. You’re a little early, so Austin is in the shower, but he should be out soon.” I told them, and gestured for them to have a seat on the couch.

“So, what song idea did you want to run past us?” Tino asked. “I want to tell you, but Aaron isn’t here, and I don’t want him to feel left out, because I know he’s been lonely for a while. Also, Austin hasn’t even heard it, and I want him to hear it as well.” I explained to them, and impatiently waited on the floor. I could feel my heartbeat going at an unsteady pace. I hated sharing things with a group of people. Regardless of whether or not they were my best friends. Not only did that upset me, but sharing my music was something I had only done once. It was with Stephanie, and she only shot me down. She said it needed less feeling, and catchy lyrics. It sucked a lot, and I hadn’t shown anyone my music since.

Austin came into the living room with only a towel draped around his waist. I don’t think he realized the other two were in the room, because his face flushed red, and he quickly left without saying a thing. “Wow, you two must be pretty close if he isn’t afraid of being almost naked around you.” Phil laughed. I bashfully nodded. I looked over at him and Phil, and noticed that their hand were interlocked. I wished I had Austin with me so I could do the same. As I dreamfully fantasized about cuddling with my boyfriend, the doorbell rang again, and sure enough, it was Aaron. He came in with his bass, and sat down on the floor next to the coffee table.

“I’ll be right back guys. I’m gonna go get Austie.” the last word accidentally slipped from my mouth, but I ignored it, and went to his room. He was laying on his bed doing nothing. “Babe, are you okay?” I asked, laying down next to him. “I don’t wanna go out there.” he shook his head. “Well why not?” I grabbed his hand, and fit it to mine. “I feel too out there. Now that they know about us, there is nothing left to hide. I liked having a few secrets here and there.” he sighed. “This isn’t about earlier when you didn’t realize they were here, was it?” “No, not at all. They’ve unitentionally seen me naked plenty of times. I just liked us being a secret.”

I sat up, but get kept his hand in mine. “Don’t worry about it Austin. I’m sure they don’t care. I mean look at Phil and Tino. They kept them a secret for a long time, but now they seem so much more relaxed, now that we know.” I tried to encourage him, but it was failing. He stayed quiet, and motionless, but his grip on my hand stayed tight. “Austin…” I whispered, after a few minutes of silence. “Hmm?” he mumbled. “Lets go. The guys are waiting in the living room. Come on.” I pulled him up, and practically dragged him into the other room. He reluctantly sat down on the floor, and I sat in his lap.

I figured it might help a little if I was with him, because cuddles always work. “So Ashby? What’s going on with that song idea that you’ve got?” Aaron questioned me. “Okay, so after a night at the beach, and Chick-Fil-A, we were sitting, and brainstorming song ideas. I suggested that we should write something our fans would relate to. You’re Not Alone is the theme I came up with. You guys can do what you want with it.” I kind of shrugged it off. I had a few lyrical ideas written down, but I didn’t want them to get shot down, so I didn’t share them.

We talked about it for a few, and the guys seemed to like it, but for the one time, and one time only, Austin spoke up, and I didn’t enjoy what he said. “Alan had a few lyrics written down, and I thought they were pretty good. Why don’t you share those?” he suggested, and I slumped into Austin. “I really don’t want to.” I mumbled. “Baby.” he gave me puppy dog eyes. I childishly shook my head, and crossed my arms. “Okay maybe later on then.” he sighed, and the band went back to the conversation.

--

A few hours later the band left, and relief spread throughout me. “Austin. Why would you do that?” I asked as soon as the door shut. “I liked it. I thought maybe the guys would too.” he shrugged. “I think you’re wrong. You’re sort of obligated to like everything that I do, whereas the guys don’t. They can be as blunt and rude as they want. And I’m not exactly comfortable with putting my music out there. It’s something I haven’t done much, but when I have it ended horribly. You should have asked me before you volunteered it.” I kind of exploded without meaning to, but Austin took it fine, and just listened.

“I didn’t mean to. You’re right. I should have asked, and I’m sorry I didn’t. I will next time something like this happens.” he said in a semi-monotone voice, and then hugged me. I hugged him back, but for whatever reason, I didn’t think he actually felt sorry. I felt like he was doing it just so we wouldn’t fight. As much as I didn’t want to believe it, it was all I could think about. “It’s okay. Can we just go get food.” I huffed. I was in no mood to do any actual talking with Austin. He nodded, and grabbed his keys. We were out the door in a matter of minutes, and on our next silent adventure.

A/N: I know I said that there wouldn't be an update for a while, but I did anyway. I have a plan for the next chapter, but I don't know how long or short it's gonna be. Anyway, be looking foward to that. It may or may not be sad, only I know that answer to that, so I guess you'll have to wait. Oh well. See y'all later. Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Comment/Fan/vote. (props to anyone who gets the reference to the title of the chapter.)

-Smashie