What am I doing?

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I screamed love me
into empty trenches
and ignored the butterflies
in the meadow.

I climbed mountains
in search for a pill of redemption
that was always sitting
on my bedside stand.

I was never sightless to begin with
but I picked up a blindfold
instead of my glasses
and stumbled in the dark.

I created hell for myself
inside heaven;
all the arrows fell wide off the mark.

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