Your Love's a Fucking Drag|| Ryden

10: wedding day

Today is the day.
I went out last night and got shit faced with a few of my old friends. Sad part is I spent most of my time thinking about Ryan. I just don't think I can get over him so easily and not only that I feel like shit, on my wedding day.
Maybe drinking wasn't the best way to cope with all of this.

At the moment I'm already dressed and ready. I bought a beautiful white suit to match the roses and my shoes were black and shiny. I'm not like females on their wedding day. I don't need to get ready with my brides maids or get a makeup artist. I'm just standing in my bedroom, scared and tired.

"You ready Brendon? It's your big day!" I hear a voice behind me. Suprisingly I was excited to see who it was. Spencer, the Spencer Smith!

"Spencer! I thought you couldn't make it?" I question, before giving him a hug.
"Plans changed. I'm happy I could make it."

After we hugged, we chatted for a little while, over just random things we've done since the last time we've seen each other.

"So how's Ryan? Is he doing well with the news that you're getting married?" Spencer hit me with a tough one, and to be fully honest, I don't know.

"I mean, we don't talk often so I honestly don't know. I did tell him though." I reply.
"Dallon does know about Ryan right?"

"Uh, I-" I tried to speak but I was cut off.
"Really Brendon? You didn't tell him?"
Spencer quickly got mad at me. Just like old times, huh.

"Well, how am I suppose to tell someone I have two kids and I'm divorced?" I question, shifting my weight a little, trying to seem less tense.
"Easy, You tell them! It's not that hard, Brendon. What next, Do you still love Ryan? Is that why you didn't say anything" Spencer started, "Oh God Brendon, why are you like this?"

"I swear I'm not doing it to hurt Dal. I love him I do, I just don't love him like that." I answer. I feel like a horrible person now. It was wrong to lead him on like this, maybe I went to far.

"You can't marry him Brendon. It's just wrong." Before Spencer could finish someone else popped up into our conversation.

"Whats wrong?" I hear my mother say.
"Mom, what are you doing in here?"
My day seems to be getting worse by the second, she's probably gonna yell at me too.
"I just wanted to see my boy before he got married again!" She said, before kissing my cheek.

"Come on, brighten up! The wedding starts soon. You guys did an amazing job decorating." She says this with a bright smile, as if nothing was wrong.
"Thanks mom."

"Alright well I'll leave you two alone now. Bye Spencer" spencer says good bye and she leaves the room quite happily.

"God, I'm horrible person." I finally say, sitting down onto my bed. I rub at my eyes, trying to think everything through.

"I'm just saying, if you don't love him don't marry him." Spencer speaks again, "I'll met you back outside, You have about a two minutes to get yourself out there. Just remember what I said." With that Spencer left too.
I'm alone once again, left in my thoughts and emotions. I look over to my side table and see a white rose I had picked from a bouquet so I could put it in my suit pocket.
I picked it up and honestly I cant see it's beauty at the moment. I really just want to crush it, but I don't, I simply put it in my pocket.

I stand up finally, leaving my room. I kinda feel weak and upset. The back door was open and I could see everyone outside but I couldn't bring myself to walk out. Instead I grabbed my car keys and headed for the front door.

I can care less about this damn wedding, about Dallon, or anyone at all but I needed Ryan. So in my last attempt at getting my old life back I found myself in my car, heading back to Ryan's house. The car ride was boring and tense and my heart was racing a million a second but I finally made it.

The neighborhood never looked so sad to me but I think it's just my feelings. I really did question myself a few times before parking the car.

"You can't marry him Brendon. It's just wrong."

It is, it's so wrong. Everything just hurts and I just can't leave this car. I need to go back home, finish the wedding and live my life but I honestly can't.
Instead of stopping myself, I got out the car and began walking up to the door. I'd probably break down if he wasn't home right now.

My brain protested every move I made but it couldn't stop me from knocking at the door. It only took a few seconds before the door was opened. Ryan looked sad. His hair was messy and he was in his pajamas.

"You again?" He questions, " What's with the suit?"

"Its my wedding today.." I answer in a soft whisper. Ryan scoffed and laughed lightly.
"Then why are you here? To brag about your soon to be husband or something?" He spat.

"No Ryan, I ditched my wedding for you." I begin, he looked disgusted.
"You what?"

"I ditched my wedding, Ryan! I don't love him, I never will." I started to raise my voice a little but tried to calm myself. " You see this ring?" I said taking it off my finger. "Its bullshit, it means nothing to me! Give me all the money in the world and I still wouldn't stop loving you."

With that, I threw the ring to the ground and harshly tried to break it by stomping on it. I knew all to well I at most I simply scratched it but it didn't matter, I don't want it.

"Brendon, no. I think you should leave." Ryan says, when it finally hits me. The white rose, I know exactly why I chose it. It was the flower we chose for our wedding. I don't know how I didn't see it before but I remember.

"Ryan please," I started, I quickly grab the rose and handed it to him.

"You remembered?" He started to get emotional too, his hands shaking slightly as he took the flower from me.
"I can't do this with out you Ryan. I've spent most of my life with you and I just can't see myself so without you anymore."

"But please, even if you hate me, just tell me one last time that you love me before I go back and live my life with someone I could never love, like I love you." I wanted to cry but I just couldn't get it out.

"I-I love you.." He whimpered this out,  but instead of closing the door or yelling at me, he kissed me. I missed the feel of his lips so much that every cell in my body felt electrified. The kiss lasting for only a few seconds befor he pulled away.

"Ry-" before I could continue he closed the door on me.
It's really over, that's it. I told myself If this didn't work I had to go back so with a frown I picked the ring back up from the ground and looked at it.

That's when I heard the door open again, I looked up to see Ryan again.
"Here," he said, handing me my old wedding ring. I dropped the other one and smiled at the old thing.
I guess I was happy to see it back but did that mean he truly still loves me?

"You really do deserve it. After all this time and you still dig yourself into my life. I just don't think I could take it any other way." Ryan says, tears in his eyes. I laugh lightly, looking back to the ring.

"I love you."