Against The Odds: Guarded

11

LUCAS POV

It’s only been fifteen minutes and I already feel like I’ve been here a full hour. As I watched the clock in front of me, I could have sworn I saw the second hand on it move anticlockwise. Time is fucking dragging and Dr. Baker loves it...sadist witch.

“I saw your mum’s engagement ring. It’s beautiful isn’t it? She’s probably the only woman I’ve seen who isn’t stressed out from planning a wedding.”

“Why are we talking about this? Why do I have to talk about this?” Dr. Baker found that it would be in her best interest to torture me today as if I haven’t tortured myself enough over the past month, over the last few hours even.

I can’t get last night out of my head. Maya's so beautiful, prettier than what my memory gave her credit for. She was so soft under my touch, the perfect contrast to how rough I was being with her. I couldn’t control myself and it scared me more than I thought it would. I know I was rougher with her than when I was with Tamsin. I need to see her again, but I don’t know if she’ll have me. I went too far last night.

“Because Blake, you told me last session you felt trapped and you’ve told me that before. Do you remember when?” She looked at me over her glasses the way she always does when she thinks she knows something. She doesn’t. She doesn’t know shit. I’m sure she’s only doing this to push my buttons.

“Yes. I fucking said it, therefore I remember when I said it.” I sighed and ran my hand through my hair exasperatedly. The more I cooperate the faster I can get the hell out of here.

“Do you think it has anything to do with your mother getting remarried and the wedding being near?” I felt my eyebrows furrow as soon as she mentioned dooms day. I know Robin must have chosen October. Who the fuck gets married in October?

“No she won’t go through with it anyhow. I think it has to do with I’m nineteen years old and I’m still living at home with my mum and have a fucking curfew. Everyone else lives on their own. I’m not a fucking toddler! ”

“Language Blake. You don’t think she will do you? Why is that? And you’ve brought this on yourself. These boundaries are set for you to keep you healthy. What happened last month scared everyone and until you get back on track they will stay in place.”

“It’s ridiculous. It makes no sense! If I really wanted to off myself it would be done already, it would! A curfew can’t save me from me! The money I make sucks because I have to be in the house by twelve every fucking night! That doesn’t really add up when you work at a pub! And she won’t because if you’re making me stay there with them, she knows it’s not safe.”

“You’re right, a curfew can’t save you from yourself but it allows us to keep a better watch over you so that you don’t self-destruct. Why don’t you work during the day? At least then you would have better hours. Why would it not be safe for you all to stay in the same house Blake?”

I can feel myself mellow from anger to defeat. I’m talking in circles with her and I can’t win, she’s asking too many things of me at once.

“If you really think it’s that bad then why toy with me? Why don’t you just stick me back in Maudsley like you’re probably going to do anyway? That way you can watch me all you want to.” I avoided her last question and thankfully she didn’t notice. I don’t even want to get into what could happen if this marriage takes place. My mum can be just as happy dating Robin, they don’t need to get married.

“Is that what you want?”

“No but you’re not going to give me what I want! This whole thing is bullshit and you know it, so what’s the point? Why try and give me false hope?”