Against The Odds: Guarded

33

Me trying to finish this book.

LUCAS POV

I got into Robin’s Volkswagen and it smelled of peppermints and after shave. The car was clean unlike Clive’s car. Clive’s car was always full of papers, documents, secret things that he’d never want Gemma or me to touch. His car was his own personal filing cabinet. I never felt comfortable in it or around him in general. He was always too busy, too cold; too callus to spend time with either of us, but he would always try to buy me and Gemma something to save face and pretend that he cared about us as a front for my mum. I was thankful that he never wanted to spend time with me. The less time spent with him the better. I never liked him in the first place, and when my mum thought it would be a good idea for just the two of us to bond, it always resulted in me getting the shit beat out of me, only in the spots that couldn’t be seen.

When the door was opened I was tensed. Robin got in and smiled at me and I couldn’t even bring myself to force a smile back. He put the key into the ignition and pulled out of my front drive before I spoke to him again.

“Do I get to know where we’re going as well?...” I trailed off, more aggravation in my tone than I intended to be there.

“I thought we would take you to get fitted for your tux first.”

I glare at him and my body stiffens at the idea. This is not a way to bond, this is a way to push me farther than I feel that I can stretch. I turn my eyes back to the road and I swear that I can almost feel my blood rushing my veins. I want to protest, but there’s no point. Robin is going to get his way and there’s shit that I can do to stop it, despite my efforts. I bit my lip to keep myself from talking or saying anything out of term. This needs to go well, Dr. Baker better keep up her end of this twisted deal.

Robin talked on the way there and it was mostly to himself. I would nod my head and pay attention to a few things here and there, but I didn’t say much of anything. I don’t hate Robin, at least I don’t think I do, but we shouldn’t be this close either. As the drive goes on it feels as if the car is getting smaller and smaller. The walls are closing in around me now and I’m slowly suffocating. My anxiety and frustration about the whole situation turns into pent up energy and I know that I need to get out of the car soon and get away from him before I explode. That’s the last thing I want to do, but it’s bound to happen. I know it will.

It goes silent in the car and I turn on the radio expecting to sooth my own nerves before Robin opens his mouth to speak again.

“You know, I love you as if you were my own Lucas, as if you were my very own son.” I shot my head away from changing scenery outside my window and looked at Robin quizzically. I know he loves me, he’s expressed this to me before, but we were on much better terms then.

“Yeah I know Robin thanks....I love you too.” I spoke honestly even though I know my tone sounds a bit clipped.

“Then can I ask you a question?”

I nodded my head and breathed as deep as I could. I feel like my lungs are going to collapse at any moment. I need out of this car.

“Why are you so put off about me marrying your mum? Nothing’s going to change lad. I’ll still be the same person.”

“That’s what you say now.” I didn’t mean to respond. This isn’t a topic I want to put up for discussion.

“I mean it Lucas. I know it’s something hard for you to believe, but it will be fine. I’m so sorry for what you had to go through. No child should have to go through what you went through.”

“S’okay Robin. I’m fine. Can we just drop it please?” Oxygen is slowly leaving the confines of the car. I let down the window but it doesn’t help.