Crawling, scrambling, rushing.
I feel the hot water arrive at my eyes, leaking out in streams- no, rivers-
paving their way down my pale cheek.
The sting of them burning my eyes, the warmth of them heating my face, the salty taste on my tongue.
The reminder I am not okay is heart aching but also comforting- I have feelings, emotions, I am human.
The reminder I am not okay is infuriating and makes me angry- why aren't I okay ? Nothing has happened ?! Why can't I just not be sad ?!!!!!!!
The anger at my pain causes more tears. I can't help it. Angry I can't help it. Crying because I am angry that I can't help it. Crying because I'm crying because I can't accept that I can't change it.
WHY CANT I JUST BE NORMAL???
My mind screams. My brain doesn't listen. The scream is inaudible to it.
It's okay, they say.
It's normal, they say.
What you feel is okay, they say.
Why doesn't it feel okay ?
Why do I feel like I'm weighing people down by telling them my problems ?
What's the benefit of telling them my problems ? Their nosiness is satisfied ? Their secret happiness they aren't me is renewed ? Why do they have to know what's wrong.
Tears
Tears
Tears
Streaming down my face, down my neck, onto my cheek.
Yet my skin feels dry.
Tears of the mind, perhaps. Tears of the brain, perhaps. No more tears to be produced so imaginary tears, perhaps.
Too many tears being shed
But at the same time too little.
The reservoir inside me isn't empty yet.
Will it ever be empty ? Who knows.
All I can do for now is keep crying.
Crawling, scrambling, rushing;
I feel the sting of tears in my eyes.
